


Truly, Madly, Deeply

by incendiarywit (p_diyos)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Our Times, Background Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi - Freeform, First Love, High School, M/M, Pining, Possible excess of tropes, Reunions, Slight 90s AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 07:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 35,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12185853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/p_diyos/pseuds/incendiarywit
Summary: In which a series of chain letters and half-baked decisions lead Asahi to Karasuno High's famous delinquent, Nishinoya Yuu. (Our Times AU)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> > Why didn’t I realize that meeting you  
> Was the best thing that ever happened to me in this life?  
> Perhaps at that time I was just busy laughing and crying  
> Busy chasing the shooting stars in the sky  
> It was only natural that I forgot  
> Who was silently protecting me through the wind and rain  
> \- A Little Happiness (小幸运), Hebe Tian (Translation)
> 
>   
> This movie had me screaming at some 12AM; it's only fair I return the favour. No need to have watched Our Times to get this (hopefully). Cut down and modified the original plot by a lot, and tweaked characters to fit this AU, as I do. They might seem a little different to you at first, but hopefully you'll recognize them in the end.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Life didn’t used to be like this for Asahi. Not even close.

He used to be adventurous, and relatively unafraid of trying new things. He used to be able to say what he meant and to mean what he said. He used to know what it was he wanted. He used to have a plan.

Right now, he was nobody and had nothing of the sort. Nothing except confusion and feeling like he was wading in a dark, empty pool, the shore out of sight. His life was close to over, and he wasn’t even thirty yet.

Now he was stuck in a job that he could tolerate...for the most part. He was overworked, underpaid, and barely went on leaves. Not that his boss would let him anyway. _We need you Asahi, the office would fall apart without you, you’re our best worker_. He was in a relationship that held no direction, that was lukewarm and safe, but also empty and maybe even meaningless. He felt he knew less and less about his boyfriend everyday - the same way he knew less and less about himself.

These days, he felt like a shell of who he used to be. Only that he wasn’t sure how he could ever become his old self ever again.

He slumped against the edge of his bed, his limbs tangling as he settled on the floor. After a beat, he reached out underneath and pulled out a faded red tin. It used to be a cookie tin, his mother’s before he moved away from home.

Opening the box was like going back in time. It reminded him of a part of his life when things were simpler, when it didn’t feel like he was wandering the streets on his own. His hands brushed over the case that held a single black button, beside it his dusty Gameboy Advance, along with a stack of pictures held together by a rubber band. An off-white sports headband lay rolled up in one of the corners. Slowly, he picked out an old cassette tape, its case cracked and battered but the tape itself still functional. The front had his name written in barely legible handwriting.

For the first time in what felt like nine years, he smiled.

*

Asahi was going to regret this.

If he had a little more backbone built into his body, he wouldn’t feel so bad about what he was about to do. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. He’s been told time and time again that even the slightest breeze could make him jump. Which he denies. Vehemently. So, he felt very, _very_ horrible about this.

It wasn’t like Nishinoya Yuu was the only one he was sending a chain letter to. He already wrote one for their horrible Physics teacher, the not-so horrible yet ever so popular Shimizu Kiyoko, and two others of no consequence. Of all of them though, maybe Nishinoya deserved it.

See, every high school had a god. His came in the form of Sawamura Daichi, with his broad shoulders, friendly demeanour, and volleyball captain status. Daichi was the type of person that helped old people cross the street, had time during the weekends to help out in volunteer centers, all while maintaining a close to perfect grade point average. It didn’t hurt that he was handsome as well. Honestly, Asahi didn’t really see the appeal, but his best friend Suga took care of whatever interest he should have had.

In a similar vein, every high school also had a boss. A person who walked the halls like they owned it, whose stare could turn people to stone, made people like Asahi cower as he appeared at the end of the hallway. The boss owned up to his status of lowest in academic rank because he could instill fear into everyone, including teachers and rumors of interschool fighting notwithstanding. Nishinoya Yuu was just that, and he needed to be stopped somehow.

Come hell or high water, Asahi had to pass this chain letter on. The man from Hong Kong who burned it died two days later! Not to mention the girl from Hokkaido who ignored it completely and got into a car accident after a week. And he didn’t even want to _think_ about Haneda Kaoru who only passed it to three people instead of four in 1982. It prompted him to make an extra one, just in case.

It was well justified, Asahi reasoned. He already lost in the smarts _and_ looks department, he couldn’t have his measly luck be affected, too. That was all he had going for him. Oh, and his undying love for volleyball. That definitely counted for something. The V.League would be very proud of him. And Suga.

“Sorry,” Asahi muttered to the air, hoping whoever deity was watching over him would show mercy. He slipped the yellow envelope into Nishinoya’s ratty pink bag, closing the flap over it and hightailing out of the school rooftop. As he exited, he hoped that some of that horrible luck the chain letter passed on to him would allow him the luxury to go back to his normal life. He was beginning to miss it, no matter how dull it was.

*

Of course, life never turned out the way Asahi wanted it to. In fact, it usually did the exact opposite.

When Tanaka Ryuunosuke cornered him two weeks after Asahi left the letter in Nishinoya's bag, he was a little bit thankful that it lasted as long as it did. These things usually blew up in his face after four or five days. Still, being stared up at by Nishinoya Yuu’s second-in-command was a little more than jarring. He nearly got hit by a kid on a bike with how scared he was.

Now, after being pushed into a tiny room with peeling red paint, _Long Vacation_ playing on the large TV, and flickering lights at the corner, he wished he _did_ get hit by that bike. And maybe get knocked out from it. He’d prefer that than be subjected to the glare of the boy sprawled on the tattered couch.

Asahi has only ever seen Nishinoya Yuu twice. One, when he accidentally bumped into him in the halls last year when he was called into the faculty room. Two was during a school assembly, when Nishinoya set off the fire alarm that had the entire student body in a frenzy. Like those times and now, he wanted to tuck himself into the nearest corner and hope for the moment to pass.

Nishinoya leaned forward, his messily gelled back hair catching the light. He held up a folded piece of paper in his hands, regarding it with mild interest as the corners of his mouth turned up in what looked like amusement. Asahi squinted his eyes, trying to see what it was and - _oh no_ , that was his large, widely-spaced handwriting. It was the chain letter, and he was as good as dead.

With a chuckle, Nishinoya rested his elbow on one of the photos laid out on the table in front of him. He tilted his head, eyes flickering to Asahi once over the top of the paper, and cleared his throat louder than necessary.

“In 1982,” he began, with a voice deeper than Asahi anticipated, “Haneda Kaoru was incapacitated for one month for only sending this letter to three others. Reasons for her incapacitation are unknown.”

Now that Asahi heard it with his own ears, it seemed pretty stupid that he believed those words so quickly. He heard Nishinoya cackle loudly, as if he were told a joke. Nishinoya threw the paper aside, and slowly the amusement bled out from his features, contorting into anger.

“I know it was you who sent the letter,” Nishinoya said, training his eyes on Asahi. “And I know why you did. It’s because I picked a fight with _him_ , right?”

Nishinoya picked up one of the photos on the table, and Asahi quickly saw it was one of the ones he took of Sawamura Daichi, the one time he snuck his brother’s Kodak to school. It was the one of Daichi sitting by the bleachers after a practice game, smiling at his friends, and Asahi remembered how loudly Suga pleaded to take _just one picture, please, look at him, Asahi he’s perfect_ -

Nishinoya stood up, hands at his waist. “Did you honestly think it was _funny_ to send that letter? Don’t you know who you’re dealing with?”

Asahi heard himself let out a squeak. He picked himself up off the floor and flew to the direction of the door. It was locked, of course it was locked, so he turned to the wall and hid his face with his hand. At this point, Haneda-san’s fate looked a hell lot better than his.

He flinched when he heard a bang just a few centimeters away from his ear. He lowered his hand from his face to meet a pair of brown eyes. It made all the hairs on Asahi’s arm stand up, and he pressed himself against the wall as much as he could, hoping it would absorb him somehow.

Asahi was afraid of Nishinoya Yuu. His slicked back hair, his intense stare, his scowl, everything. All one hundred and fifty nine centimeters of him. Or...sixty, maybe. It was hard to tell when you were backed up against the wall and more worried about having your face caved in by a fist. Even if it was from a hand much tinier than his. Still, he was very scared, and he wanted this over with. If he was going to get beat up, then fine. He should have thought it through anyway, let Suga interfere so the letter would be near untraceable.

Nishinoya narrowed his eyes at him, the hand on the wall next to Asahi clenching, and he braced himself for impact.

“What’s your favourite movie?” Nishinoya asked in his most stern voice.

Asahi, still tense, looked at Nishinoya warily. “W-What?”

“ _I said_ , what’s your favourite movie?” Nishinoya repeated impatiently and loudly, fire growing behind his eyes.

Asahi flinched again, turning his gaze to the side to avoid Nishinoya’s eyes. “U-Uhm...Kikujiro?”

Nishinoya took this in silence. He took his hand away from the wall and began pacing. “Birthday?”

“Jan-January 1.”

“Favourite food?”

“Tonkotsu - tonkotsu ramen.”

Asahi chanced a look and saw a thoughtful expression cross Nishinoya face. He didn’t understand why he was being asked all these questions. He was also still waiting on that punch.

Nishinoya stopped his pacing right in front of Asahi. He leaned forward, and Asahi pressed himself against the wall again.

“What don’t you like about me?” Nishinoya asked at full volume, his voice bouncing against the walls.

“Nothing!” Asahi answered immediately. When Nishinoya trained that glare at him again, fist clenched at his sides, Asahi tried again. “Y-You’re uh...confident? And a-attractive. You kinda look like…” His eyes turned to the screen. “Ta-Takuya Kimura, actually.”

Nishinoya turned to the direction of the TV just as Takuya Kimura grinned. He gave a smirk of his own as he turned back to Asahi. “Is that so?” He asked, to which Asahi nodded vehemently.

“Well, you’re honest, I’ll give you that.” Nishinoya said, and he flashed a row of white teeth at him. “Be my friend.”

Asahi blinked. “...Huh?” He asked for what felt like the fifth time that day.

Nishinoya rolled his eyes. “Be my friend,” he said slowly, as if the speed of his words would let Asahi’s brain catch up faster, “or I’ll tell everyone all about your crush on Sawamura Daichi.”

“I don’t even _like_ him!” Asahi exclaimed, before jumping at the volume of his own voice and shrinking into himself.

“Then why do you have all these pictures?” Nishinoya asked, sharply motioning to the scattered photos on the table.

Asahi was just about to reply, but he knew he couldn’t out Suga like that. In retrospect, Suga would probably understand, but the thought of spilling a secret of this magnitude that wasn’t his to share in the first place made him queasy. Well, queasi _er_.

“Well?” Nishinoya pressed, waiting.

At this point, Asahi could only sigh, nodding as he sealed his fate.

*

“Here’s your homework.”

Nishinoya smirked as Asahi handed over the assignments for the day. Asahi rubbed his eyes and let out a yawn as soon as Nishinoya leafed through the notes. It was math today, something Asahi had a little bit more confidence in, but staying up until three to finish Nishinoya’s homework before his own left him even more lethargic than he was usually.

When Nishinoya proposed to be his ‘friend’, he didn’t think it would entail so much risk and running. Though he shouldn’t have expected any less. For the past month he’s done more homework than he’s ever cared to do in his life, divested buckets of sweat from running to every convenience store for soda ice cream before the elementary students got to it, and other odd tasks he’s learned not to question. Which was not much really - there was only so much you could do in a town still stuck in the last millennium.

Asahi was tired, but he was too afraid of Nishinoya to say otherwise. He brought this upon himself after all. Sending a chain letter to one of the most notorious students in Karasuno High was one of the dumbest ideas he’s ever fallen into. He’d just have to put up with it until he graduated - nine months. Surely that’d be enough to let him off the hook...right?

“Where is everyone, by the way?” Asahi asked. Nishinoya told him to meet him at the courtyard this time instead of his classroom, which he was very thankful for. Class 2-3 was a nightmare he visited weekly.

“It’s just us today,” Nishinoya said easily, hastily throwing his notebooks into his bag. “Come on, the court should be open by now.”

“The court?”

Nishinoya reached over and pulled Asahi in the direction of the school gates by the wrist. “Yeah, a volleyball court. Vo-lley-ball. Haven’t you ever heard of that before?”

“Of course I have.” Asahi was used to Nishinoya’s blunt speech by now, and he gave himself a mental pat on the back for not taking offense. He turned in the direction of the school. “It’s just...the bell just rang…”

“That’s kinda the point of this little trip, Asahi-san.” Nishinoya looked over his shoulder once before opening the school gate with ease. “You need to go out during school hours in your uniform once in your life.”

Asahi’s pretty sure that Nishinoya has gone out more than once. He also tried not to grimace at Nishinoya’s ironic use of honorifics, considering _he_ was the one bossing Asahi around.

“I don’t know, I think I should head back -”

“Don’t you dare,” Nishinoya said, gripping Asahi’s wrist tighter as he half-dragged him to the street. “Close the gate behind you.

Asahi compiled, slowly closing the iron gate, shutting it with a clang too loud in the empty early morning. “We’re going to get in trouble.”

Nishinoya spun around, giving Asahi one of his side smiles. “What’s life without a little trouble?”

That did nothing to settle the nerves in Asahi’s stomach, along with something else he refused to acknowledge. Well...not in broad daylight. It was Nishinoya in general; his presence always seemed to unnerve Asahi. That _other_ feeling was just a reaction.

Nishinoya smiles were more of smirks anyway. An upturned mouth, though more at the left side of his face than the right. One that made roller coasters look like a walk in the park. It spelled nothing but mischief and maybe even a little danger, which made Asahi fear for his life in the worst way possible.

“Here!” Nishinoya let go of Asahi’s hand and stopped a few feet in front of him.

Asahi’s eyebrows furrowed together. They reached a park, one that he’s passed by a few times on the way home. The space in front of them was the only one not covered by grass. Instead, it was a dark blue material that felt sturdy yet a little spongy under his shoes, marked with familiar white lines. Two poles and a lowered net stood in the middle. At the left side were a set of wooden bleachers, stained darker than the average pale brown from the rain last night.

“A...volleyball court.” He said slowly.

“Yup.” Nishinoya headed over to a rusty barrel and pulled out a volleyball. “Can you set up the net? Just tighten the ends.”

“We’re playing volleyball?”

“ _Practicing_ volleyball,” Nishinoya corrected, before chest tossing the ball to Asahi. He managed to catch it, the air wheezing out of his lungs as a result. “You spike, I receive. Big guy like you should be able to spike a ball just fine.”

Asahi bit his lip. “Look, Nishinoya -“

“I told you, Noya is fine.” He pulled one of the strings and tied the knot securely against one of the metal loops. “It’s less of a mouthful, too.”

Asahi ignored him. “Nishinoya,” he said, resignedly moving to the other end of the net and mimicking Nishinoya. “I’m not very good at...well -”

“You’ll do just fine. I saw you once during one of your PE classes. Your spikes are crazy good.”

“...What were you doing watching my PE class?”

Nishinoya shrugged, but Asahi saw the tips of his ears turn pink. “Just observing. Didn’t feel like being at class that day. Spectating seemed like a better idea.”

That seemed like a very Nishinoya-like thing to do. Asahi didn’t know if he actually _went_ to all of his classes.

Asahi tied the knot in front of him twice. “What do you want me to do?”

“Spike for me.” Nishinoya said, going under the net and over to the other side. “You can do a jump serve, right?”

“Not well, but -”

“Good enough.” Nishinoya bent his knees and let his arms fall to his sides, just a few inches above his thighs. His eyes sharpened like a cat ready to stalk its prey. “Don’t go easy on me!”

Asahi sighed deeply, moving towards the backline. He wouldn’t dream of it; Nishinoya was the type of person to grab the bull by the horns, and laugh happily while doing so. He didn’t seem to be afraid of anything. In contrast, Asahi was afraid of _everything_.

The first serve went out of bounds. Asahi didn’t wait; he jogged over to where it was and picked it up before Nishinoya could tell him to. The second fared no better, it went over the backline on the other side.

Nishinoya groaned. “Asahi-san, I’m kind of dying over here.”

“I told you I couldn’t do jump serves well,” Asahi said. He’s only ever tried it on his own at home, or at random times during PE class. His rate of success was still dismally low.

“ _Fine_ , then just do a regular serve.”

Asahi let out a sigh of relief, walking over to the backline again. After a few dribbles, he tossed the ball up in the air. It eclipsed the late morning sun for a second, and he curled his right arm behind him as it fell. He hit it hard with his palm and it sailed over the net at a perfect arc. Thank goodness.

He heard the ball knock against something firm, and he peered over the net to see Nishinoya with his arms out in front of him. The ball flew up, the rotation slowed considerably, before it sailed back down. It dropped just inches away from the centerline, where the setter would have been. Asahi blinked in astonishment - a perfect receive.

From behind the net, Nishinoya smiled. “That first sting is always the best.”

Asahi knew exactly what Nishinoya was talking about; the skin of his palm tingled in response, but that wasn’t why he was staring. _This_ smile of Nishinoya’s had a little less of his usual attitude, and was a little more genuine than all the others he’s seen. It was almost friendly.

“It is,” Asahi replied, and he felt the corner of his lips twitch. He shook his head to rid of it. “Did you - did you used to play, Nishinoya?”

“In junior high.” Something about Nishinoya’s expression was off, like he bit into a lemon, but it was gone before Asahi could really scrutinize it. “You?”

“I did for a few summers. Never picked it up well, though. You’re not on the team?”

“What, our team?” Nishinoya’s expression worsened. “Nah, not really interested in our team.”

Asahi caught the way Nishinoya turned his gaze to the side. He didn’t believe Nishinoya for a second. “Why not?”

“Can you serve the next one?” Nishinoya asked instead.

Asahi hesitated for a second, before giving a quiet sigh. “Okay.”

“Thanks. And your serve was good. Though you _could_ turn it up a notch.”

Asahi picked the ball off the ground and headed for the back line again, rolling his shoulders as he went. The next serve went far, almost out of bounds like his second attempt at a jump serve, but Nishinoya caught it no problem. Asahi had to dive forward to receive it.

“Rockets or Sunbirds?” Nishinoya asked after their second rally, tossing the ball over the net.

Asahi took some time to process the question. Nishinoya did that a lot - inquired sharply and without context, expecting everyone to follow his line of thought without clarification. Asahi was still pretty bad at it honestly, but he was getting better.

“Rockets,” He replied eventually.

“Psh, should’ve expected that.”

“You’re for the Sunbirds?”

“Of course! They have a _great_ line-up this year. They’re going to win.”

Asahi let out a skeptical groan in his throat as he received the ball, one that he hoped Nishinoya wouldn’t hear. “What...What makes you think that?” He asked, keeping his tone neutral.

“Their libero, of course.”

A flash of spiky hair and intense eyes flashed through his mind. “The one that looks like Takuya Kimura?”

Nishinoya rolled his eyes. “The libero _does not_ look anything like Takuya.”

“Yes he does,” Asahi countered softly.

“Is that your type, then?” Nishinoya asked, throwing the ball down hard and letting it bounce against his palm. “He’s pretty far from Sawamura Daichi.”

Asahi wrinkled his nose. He hasn’t corrected that little lie yet. Suga told him too, but Asahi saw the worried looks he wore when he thought Asahi wasn’t looking. It was relatively harmless, anyway. Nishinoya hasn’t bothered Daichi yet, so he could put up with that a little bit longer.

“I doesn’t matter, I -” The ball bounced off the curve of his arm and hit the bleachers. “Sorry, I’ll get that.”

He heard Nishinoya chuckle from his side of the court, but he paid it no mind. “Looks like you gotta work on your receives, Asahi-san!”

“I suppose…”

The sun turned blazing by the time they took a break. Asahi was melting faster than wax on a burning candle, and he could feel just how soaked the back of his uniform was. Beside him, Nishinoya leaned against the bleachers in his black tank top, exposing his pale, wiry arms. His white button down sat on his lap, long discarded.

“Tired?” Nishinoya asked.

Asahi was exhausted, taking deep breaths hoping to get some air back into his lungs, but he gave Nishinoya a strange look. Nishinoya just returned it with a raised eyebrow, waiting. He’s never asked about Asahi’s welfare before, and he suddenly felt very aware and self-conscious for it now, like a million pairs of eyes were watching him instead of just one.

He waved his hand out in front of him. “I’m fine,” he said, voice pitching lower and quieter as he turned his gaze away.

“So you can get me a soda ice, right?”

Asahi sighed. Of course that’s what it was. “Alright.” He got up, his arms and thighs protesting as he did, and rummaged for his wallet from his bag. His measly allowance was dwindling day by day; something to add to his long list of worries.

“Thanks Asahi-san!” Nishinoya called after him, right before he turned the corner. It made him stumble over a pebble. Well, at least Nishinoya was showing a bit of gratitude now, even if it still sounded like teasing to Asahi.

He unbuttoned his uniform at some point between the park and the convenience store, and stayed in front of the freezer for a little longer than he probably should have. The store was empty save for the clerk that went off to the storage room, and Asahi believed he deserved at least a few minutes of this. One perk of being out during school hours, if there ever was one and Asahi _couldn’t believe he was thinking this_ , was that soda ice cream was still fully stocked. Being around Nishinoya was definitely starting to get to his mind.

Asahi heard several voices when he approached the park. None of them familiar, but all of them loud and agitated. He slowed his walk, shoes quiet against the pavement, until he got near enough to see what was going on.

It was nothing good. There were four other guys in a beige uniform Asahi recognized from the school in the town across theirs. They all easily towered over Nishinoya, glowering at him like wolves, but Nishinoya held his ground. In fact, he almost looked taller. He glared back at the small group dead on, eyebrows pulled together and not an ounce of fear in his eyes. His fists were clenched at his sides, one holding a metal bar.

Even then, Asahi felt cold all over. There was no way Nishinoya could win. It was like a fierce kitten facing an ambush of tigers. Asahi ducked instinctively; Nishinoya wouldn’t appreciate being compared to a tiny cat, even if he did describe him as fierce.

“You’re not as high and mighty as you think, Nishinoya.” The guy with the crew cut seethed. By the set of his shoulders and how he carried himself, he was probably the leader of their group.

Nishinoya didn’t so much as budge. If anything, he smirked wider, and the embers in his eyes grew into flames. “I have nothing to prove to you. Just ask your friends. Or your sweet Aya-chan -”

Asahi knew instantly that it was the wrong thing for Nishinoya to say. The guy let out a  loud growl, baring his teeth. Whatever he said next was blocked in a loud cry, and just like that, the first punch was thrown.

Asahi froze. He’s never seen Nishinoya in a fight before, one fact that he was very thankful for. Now, he easily saw why Nishinoya had his reputation, why his schoolmates cowered in fear. Nishinoya moved quicker than lightning, easily dodging and side stepping hits that would have easily cracked his skull. He swung the metal bar in his hand like it was an extension of his arm, knocking down one of the guys to the ground. He easily had the upper hand, despite everyone else being much taller and broader than him.

Still, Asahi felt like he was going to explode from the stress of watching, and he was right to. The moment Nishinoya had his back turned, the leader knocked his elbow against the back of his head. Asahi’s blood turned cold; he heard the sickening thud of bone against bone all the way from where he was. He heard a scream, loud and scraping against the throat, and he realized later on that it came from him.

Nishinoya easily folded. He fell, kneeling to the ground as he clutched the back of his head. Whatever fear that was lodged up Asahi’s chest evaporated into nothing in a span of two seconds, replaced by something that made his vision turn red.

It turned blurry then, and he remembered it in flashes. Pushing his way towards the guys. Picking up the metal bar and pressing it into Nishinoya’s hand. Shoving the other guys out of the way and to the ground. He might have taken a hit, maybe two, but he didn’t feel it at the time. He felt himself swing his arm, but didn’t feel the impact if it made one. What mattered was that Nishinoya managed to stand, and he attacked the other guys with even more rage. Asahi saw blood bloom against the corner of the leader’s mouth, and the angry sort of fear in his eyes when he told his guys to back off.

“If I didn’t have an exam later this afternoon, you’d be dead by now,” The leader spat as his friends helped him up. “Don’t count yourself so lucky next time, Nishinoya Yuu. Your guard dog can’t protect you forever.”

They took their leave, limping as they went. Nishinoya said nothing more, but he watched them until they turned at the corner. After that, he turned back to Asahi and immediately reached out.

“Let me see,” he said, voice scratchy and cracking in some places. Asahi didn’t understand what he was asking for, which made Nishinoya sigh. “Your hand, Asahi-san.”

“Oh.” Asahi slowly lifted his right hand, and winced immediately. It was red, probably going to form bruises, with tiny cuts at the knuckles that he had no way to explain to his mother if she saw it.

“I punched someone,” Asahi said out loud, and it sounded even more ridiculous than in his mind. Whatever possessed him earlier was gone now, replaced by a shaky sort of feeling weighed by the gravity of what he just did.

Nishinoya chuckled. “You did.” He took Asahi’s hand in both of his, his grip surprisingly gentle. “You surprised everyone.”

“I think...I surprised myself, too.” Asahi said carefully. It was hard for him to form words all of a sudden. Probably the jitters. He watched as Nishinoya inspected his hand, and tried his best not to shiver so obviously when Nishinoya’s thumb rubbed over his knuckles. “Is your head okay?”

“‘S fine. I don’t even feel dizzy. But look at this, Asahi-san!” Nishinoya exclaimed suddenly, breaking whatever atmosphere formed between them. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you how to throw a punch before?”

Asahi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “No. I never thought I had to.”

Nishinoya let out a loud ‘tsk’ as he turned Asahi’s hand over, palms facing up. “Well, I guess I’ll have to teach you, if you’re going to be reckless like this.”

“Reckless?” Asahi repeated. “I - I don’t think -”

“You’re okay,” Nishinoya concluded, letting Asahi’s hand go. He headed for the bleachers, where his bag and shirt lay. “C’mon, let’s go grab lunch. I know a place down the street. Where’s my ice cream, by the way?”

Asahi stood there quietly. That entire interaction happened in a blink of an eye, and it gave him some sort of whiplash. He didn’t know what to make of it, or what to make of the Nishinoya he formed in his mind and the one he just witnessed.

“Asahi-san?”

Asahi looked up - he didn’t even realized he turned his gaze elsewhere. Nishinoya stood an arm's length in front of him, bag slung over one shoulder and his uniform over the other. The strange expression on his face earlier when he held Asahi’s hand in both of his was completely absent.

“I…” Asahi took another second to gain his bearings again. It was probably nothing; just a fluke, that’s all. “I must’ve dropped it at some point during the fight.”

To his surprise, Nishinoya just shrugged. “It’s fine,” he said, nodding his head in the direction of the sidewalk. “You can just get me another one after we eat.”

That sounded more like the Nishinoya he’s come to know. Asahi jogged a bit to catch up with Nishinoya as he walked out of the park and down the sidewalk. They were still in a residential area, and it was quiet save for the passing car or the odd old couple that bypassed them. Well, with the scrapes on Nishinoya face and Asahi’s general appearance, they probably made a very scary pair to pass by.

“You didn’t have to fight, you know,” Nishinoya muttered after a long silence, after they crossed the street. “I had it under control.”

“I know,” Asahi replied, tugging at the hems of his shirt. “I just…” He didn’t know how to explain how he felt at that moment. How scared he felt when they hit the back of Nishinoya head, and the anger that came out of nowhere. That spurred him into action. How could he begin to explain something that he didn’t understand himself?

Nishinoya smirked, nudging Asahi with his shoulder. It hit Asahi’s arm. “I always knew you had a rebellious streak.”

Asahi huffed, giving Nishinoya an uncertain look. “I think you’re turning me into a delinquent,” he corrected.

“No need, your entire look does it for you.”

“What look?”

“The cool little hair bun thing you have! And your resting...face. It’s like someone insulted your mother.”

Asahi...had no proper response for that at the moment. “What resting face?” He asked instead.

Nishinoya cackled, the sound of it echoing against the houses around them. “You’re funny, Asahi-san. Now c’mon, it’s just at the corner.”

Asahi followed, looking both ways before he crossed the street again. The jittery feeling post-fight was starting to fade, and he just felt empty and weightless. Still, a million questions now began filtering into his mind, half of them about him and what he just did, and the other for the mystery that was Nishinoya Yuu and the look he couldn’t interpret. A fluke, Asahi thought to himself. That’s all it was. The more he repeated it to himself, the more it made sense.

He didn’t want to consider any other alternative.

*

Asahi might have forgotten that on top of getting into a fight, he skipped school. It was naive of him to think he wasn’t going to get caught. So when he got called into the principal’s office the next day along with Nishinoya, his legs felt like jello.

The principal peered over his glasses as he stood between Asahi and Nishinoya. “This is out of character for you, Azumane-kun,” he said gravely, hands clasped together. “So I’ll give you this chance - tell me what really happened, and I’ll let you go. No punishments, no repercussions.”

That Asahi could live with, one hundred percent. “Actually -”

Over the principal’s shoulder, he saw Nishinoya’s eyes come alive with lightning. That expression again, the same one from the first day they met. It held one clear message - _tell him, and I’ll tell everyone about Daichi_.

Asahi sighed. Suga owed him for life, at this point. “What you heard was correct, sir,” he said in defeat. “I was involved in that fight.” After which he bent his head down and waited for the axe to fall.

*

Cleaning the swimming pool wasn’t so bad, Asahi supposed. There were worse punishments. He was grateful he didn’t have to clean the courtyard. He didn’t have to humiliate himself further by having everyone in school watch him sweep leaves.

“You missed a spot, Asahi.”

Asahi straightened his back and shot Suga a glare. Or an attempt at one at least. “You could help out.”

Suga shook his head. “Not my punishment.” He sat on one of the monobloc chairs lying around, their Physics book laid out on his lap and a highlighter in his right hand. “And besides, if I _did_ help out, you’d feel bad.”

Asahi decided not to dignify that with a response - Suga knew him too well. He turned his attention back to the water, dipping the pool pole in carefully and watching the leaves gather into the net.

“I don’t know how I’m going to get all my homework done on time,” Asahi lamented after a while. Physics equations swam in his mind the entire afternoon, and the book they had to read for literature was as entertaining as damp cardboard.

“I’ll tutor you for Physics.”

Asahi frowned. “That might take you more than an hour.”

“It’s fine,” Suga said easily. “I kind of owe you, anyway. Since you won’t let me do anything in return.”

“Because you don’t _have_ to.”

“Then what would you call lying to Nishinoya Yuu about having a crush on Daichi? Sounds a lot like saving your best friend from public humiliation to me.”

“It’s called being a good friend,” Asahi mumbled. “And you won’t be humiliated. You’re a very likeable person.” He took the pool pole out of the water and tapped the net against the edge of the pool. Clumps of leaves fell after a particularly loud tap.

He heard Suga sigh loudly. “Well thank you. But if Nishinoya is giving you trouble, just tell him the truth. Tons of people have crushes on Daichi. I’ll just be a statistic.”

Asahi didn’t believe that for a second. He saw the longing looks Suga threw Daichi’s way whenever he was in the line of sight. Looks that were returned when Suga wasn’t looking. He’s heard all the tiny conversations Suga had with Daichi, which he divulged to Asahi immediately. Conversations that, despite Suga’s claims, weren’t as meaningless as he thought they were.

In high school, where the tiniest interactions put you leaps and bounds ahead of the rest, Suga wasn’t exactly losing. It just needed time, and Asahi wasn’t going to skew that balance for his friend. Suga, despite all the teasing and being a shit at times, deserved that chance at happiness.

“It’s fine,” Asahi said, instead of vocalizing his storm of thoughts. “He’s not so bad now. Besides, he’ll find some other thing to hold against me. I don’t think I need him digging up more secrets.”

He heard the scrape of plastic against the concrete, and he saw Suga trying to catch his eye. He had that smile again, the one that he wore when he had a thought Asahi preferred not to be privy to. “I think you’re softening up to him.”

“He’s not so bad,” Asahi repeated, turning to the pool to collect leaves again. “That’s all I have to say about it.”

“Or he could be softening up to _you_.” Suga suggested with that playful lilt in his voice.

Asahi snorted. How he acquired someone like Suga as his best friend, he’d never know. “That Physics homework is making you crazy, I think.”

“It’s not - oh. Speak of the devil.”

Asahi turned around abruptly, water dripping on his shoes. “Physics?”

Suga pointed to something behind Asahi. “Nishinoya.”

He turned around again and squinted, though he didn’t really have to. Nishinoya stood out against the off-white, cracked walls of the pool area, with his slicked black hair, black tank top, and school trousers. His white button up was slung over his shoulder as it usually was.

“What’s he looking at?” Asahi asked.

“Go check it out.” Suga instructed.

“Me?”

“Well, it’d be weird if it was me and he caught me spying on him!”

Asahi sighed. “Fine.”

A low murmur of voices, one male and one female, grew in volume as Asahi approached. Nishinoya was almost as still as a statue, save for the rise and fall of his chest. Which Asahi wasn’t watching, no. He was amazed by the fact that Nishinoya could stay relatively still at all. Nishinoya was usually a human lightning bolt, moving from one place to another before Asahi could so much as blink.

“Nishinoya,” Asahi whispered when he was in range. Nishinoya startled, his head whipping in Asahi’s direction so fast it was a wonder he didn’t get whiplash.

“What are you _doing_ here?” He whispered back.

“Cleaning the pool, remember? What are you -”

Footsteps echoed somewhere beyond the wall. Nishinoya reached forward and yanked Asahi by the arm, pulling him close until they bumped into each other.

Asahi floundered, trying to gain back his footing. “Nishi -”

“Quiet,” Nishinoya said lowly, placing a finger against Asahi’s lips. “You’ll want to hear this.”

Asahi didn’t get a chance to ask, or to react to their proximity when the voices became clear. He chanced a peek over the wall they stood against, and his eyes widened.

“Have you told your mom yet?” Sawamura Daichi stood in the doorway of the abandoned martial arts building. He still radiated that strong, composed aura he usually did when he stood in front of everyone in their year for assemblies; though Asahi could see cracks in how Daichi’s shoulders slumped.

“She approves.” Shimizu Kiyoko pushed a small section of hair behind her ear, and peered up at Daichi behind her pink-framed glasses. “But…what if the teachers find out about us?”

Daichi smiled calmly. The cool, confident volleyball captain smile, Asahi noted. “I’ll take responsibility, don’t worry.” His expression then turned a little sheepish, and his hand flew to the back of his neck. “I am the father, after all.”

Asahi heard Nishinoya wheeze in his throat, the finger on Asahi’s mouth finally lowering. Meanwhile Asahi stopped breathing, his thoughts immediately flying to Suga.

Kiyoko smiled, her shoulders relaxing. “I’m glad you’re here, Daichi. Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. I want to be here,” Daichi replied easily, leading them out into the open. “You should go, before someone sees you.”

“You’re right, we do look a bit suspicious.” She turned her head to look at her surroundings, and Asahi immediately pulled back, praying he wasn’t spotted. His heartbeat thundered in his ears, so loud that Nishinoya could probably hear.

“Same time tomorrow?” Asahi heard Daichi ask.

“Yes, same time.”

Asahi waited until their footsteps faded away, their chattering lost to the breeze. His thoughts were flying faster than a movie reel, still trying to process the information. Only when silence settled back into the air did he let out a loud sigh of relief.

Until Nishinoya shoved him away, that is. He stalked off towards where Daichi and Kiyoko were, his shoulders tight. Asahi followed, checking quickly over his shoulder to see if Suga was still by the pool. He was, and he made a shooing motion as if telling Asahi it was fine to leave him. Asahi already dreaded the conversation they would have later.

Nishinoya was boiling where he stood, his fists clenched at his sides. It was enough of a warning for Asahi to approach slowly.

“Why are you so upset?” He asked carefully.

“Why aren’t _you_?” Nishinoya asked back. His expression was off - his eyes were blazing and angry, but his bottom lip quivered. Almost like he was holding back a wave of emotions, but was failing with how they were spilling over in front of them now.

Asahi ventured a guess. “Do you...like Shimizu?”

Nishinoya’s eyes hardened defensively. “Yeah. So?”

What a weird thought - Nishinoya was human after all. Still, that didn’t explain the anchor weighing down Asahi’s stomach. “Nothing.”

Nishinoya arched an eyebrow. “It’s not nothing. What is it?”

“I just…didn’t know,” Asahi excused. Quite pathetically he might add. “You never made it obvious.”

Nishinoya eyed him for a second too long, and Asahi worried he’d start his tirade of questions again. Questions Asahi wasn’t sure he was ready to answer; whether they were out of a lack of knowledge or something else, he still wasn’t sure. Instead, Nishinoya directed his gaze down to his shoes with a heavy sigh.

“There’s no point,” he said, sounding more defeated than Asahi’s ever heard him. “You heard what they said. I’ve seen them together all year - it all makes sense.”

“Maybe it’s not what we think it is,” Asahi suggested. “Daichi hangs out with a lot of different people. We could be misunderstanding the entire thing.”

“You’re seriously  _this_ deep in denial?”

“I’m just…looking at other possibilities,” he said gently, though even his mind was wired to that one implication. He wasn’t sure why he was trying to reassure Nishinoya; he just knew he had to, and maybe it’d help with the tightening knot in his stomach. “Two people hanging out aren’t always together.”

“But two people spending time together _does_ things, Asahi-san! We’d have to -“ Nishinoya’s eyes widened, a clear light bulb moment, and Asahi backed away instinctively. “Asahi-san, you’re a genius.”

“I want no part in whatever you’re thinking.”

“Yes you do. Come back here.” Nishinoya pulled Asahi towards him, despite Asahi’s hesitance. “So they spend a lot of time together, right?”

“I suppose? Nishinoya -“

“To stop whatever’s happening between them, we just have to break them up. Literally or…whatever.”

“I - I’m not sure there’s a ‘whatever’ to that -“

“God, why didn’t I think of this earlier?” Asahi tried to tug himself out of Nishinoya’s grasp, but Nishinoya just pulled him even closer. “Think about it, Asahi-san. I’d get to be with Kiyoko-san, and Daichi-san would available and yours for the taking. Isn’t that what you want?”

If there was ever a moment that Asahi wanted to admit his non-crush on Daichi, this was one of them. He wasn’t sure he wanted to tangle himself even further in whatever web he was caught in with Nishinoya Yuu. But - there was Suga to consider.

Asahi directed his gaze to Nishinoya, half-determined and half-resigned. “What’s our plan?”

*

“Well this is…unexpected.”

Nishinoya looked up from his spot on the ground, craning his head up at Asahi. “Are you kidding me? This is hilarious! Best joke the universe has ever played on me.”

Asahi sank down into a squat, reaching forward. “There could be worse things, I guess.”

The puppy in Nishinoya’s lap was shiny black with white socks at its paws. It circled his lap quietly, and flitted between looking at Asahi and Nishinoya. Whoever had their hand on his head at the moment.

“I can’t believe they called a dog their baby.” Nishinoya said, petting the puppy near its tail. “Who _does_ that in high school? I thought people only did that in - I don’t know. Junior high?”

“Them. And several other people.” The puppy yipped happily, and Asahi couldn’t help but smile at Nishinoya. Nishinoya who was smiling right back at him.

“Guess I worried for nothing, huh?” Asahi kept quiet, and Nishinoya burst into laughter again. “Don’t look at me like that - I’m not that dense. I freaked out, okay?”

“You did…a little.” Asahi admitted, and instead of narrowing eyes or a scowl, Nishinoya just smiled wider. “I can’t believe you thought they were going to have a real baby.”

“You heard the way they talked! They were all serious about it!”

“They’re fairly serious people.” Asahi felt beyond relieved, nonetheless. Suga could recover from the little heart attack Asahi gave him yesterday.

“What are we going to name him?” Nishinoya asked.

“We?” Asahi repeated.

“Well, he’s our dog now, isn’t he?” Nishinoya ruffled the puppy’s head for emphasis, which made it yip even louder. “Actually, he should stay with you. My sister’s allergic to furred anything.”

Asahi pulled his hand away. “Nishinoya, I can’t take the puppy home.”

“Why not! They’re going to put him in a pound if you won’t.” Nishinoya collected the puppy in his arms, and together they faced Asahi. “Do you really wanna put this little guy in a pound?”

For whatever reason, Suga’s words from yesterday echoed in his mind. _I think you’re softening up to him._ All the reasons why he shouldn’t swirled in his head, but it was somewhere in the back burner now, quickly replaced by the matching expressions in front of him.

“Your sister’s really allergic?”

“Horribly. She sneezes up a storm and everything.”

Asahi sighed. “I’ll ask my mom.”

Nishinoya grinned. “Awesome. But anyway, they’re not together! Second best news of the day. We can do away with the sabotage plans, huh?”

“Yeah,” Asahi said, some relief seeping into his voice. He didn’t know what they were going to do with a liter of glue, anyway. Or where they were going to get it without being suspicious.

“We should name him Daichi.” Nishinoya smirked in Asahi’s direction.

“We’re not naming him Daichi,” Asahi said as firmly as he could, while feeling his face colour. “Besides, he’s a she.”

“Kimi, then.”

“Kimi?”

“Well, no part of Takuya Kimura’s name works, so we’ll modify. Kimi.”

The puppy yipped again, wagging it’s tail, while Asahi scrunched his nose. “Can’t we think of something else?”

“We can’t, Asahi-san. She likes it!” Nishinoya said, hugging the puppy close to his chest. Asahi felt his stomach flip traitorously in response.

“I didn’t think you would care so much about the puppy, Nishinoya.”

“ _Kimi_ ,” Nishinoya corrected. “And of course I would! I’m not heartless, you know.”

Asahi was starting to learn that, and the thought of it made him smile. “You know,” Asahi started. “Maybe if you told Shimizu how you felt, you could do away with all your plans.”

Nishinoya turned to him sharply, like Asahi just told him the world was square. Or that floppy disks were going out of style. “I can’t _do_ that, Asahi-san!”

“It’s not that hard.” This was Nishinoya after all, who cared little about how the world perceived him, and who could look at teachers in the eye without flinching.

“Then why haven’t you told Daichi-san?” Nishinoya challenged.

Asahi frowned. “That’s different.”

“See?” The puppy - Kimi, Asahi corrected mentally - leapt out of Nishinoya’s arms and headed for Asahi’s lap, where she circled before settling on his shoe. “Kiyoko-san is a goddess. Someone has lowly as me can’t just tell her how I feel.”

“It doesn’t do you well to over-glorify her, Nishinoya. She’s just a person.”

“Noya,” Nishinoya corrected for what felt like the nth time. “And she’s not _just_ a person. Plus, girls are complicated.”

“People are complicated,” Asahi corrected helpfully as he rested his hand on Kimi, trying to make his hold as light as possible.

“That’s not a lie.” Nishinoya scooted closer until their knees touched, and Asahi was suddenly very, very aware of himself. “She’s so quiet, too. How does that even work?”

“How does what work?”

“Like...you know. How should I read quiet people? I mean, you’re pretty quiet. How do you want people to read you?”

Asahi was having another one of those moments again - his brain blanking out whenever Nishinoya asked him something he’s never thought about himself. “I - well…” How was anyone supposed to respond to that?

“You talk to me just fine,” Asahi said eventually, even if it didn’t encompass Nishinoya’s question at all.

Nishinoya groaned out loud. “But I’m not really _getting_ to you, aren’t I?” He was about to reach out, but pulled away when he saw Kimi’s half-lidded eyes. “I said I wanted to be your friend and I’m not making much headway. What more Kiyoko-san?”

Asahi felt all the wind around him slow to a halt. “I didn’t…I didn’t know you meant that.”

“I don’t say things I don’t mean, Asahi-san,” Nishinoya replied. “I think you figured that out by now.”

Asahi stopped to study Nishinoya’s expression then, looking for any trace of a lie. He just saw that raw intensity simmering in his eyes, along with the softness that left him a little winded. It must have been from Kimi’s presence. It wasn’t the same one from the fight, when Nishinoya held his hand. Or so Asahi let himself believe. He wondered just how many times Nishinoya was going to surprise him.

Nishinoya seemed to pick up on the atmosphere between them, and he cleared his throat. “I just don’t think you should waste your energy with lies, you know?”

That sounded a little more like the Nishinoya he’s come to know.

“Well,” Asahi started. “I don’t know much about others, but for me it helps when people listen? Full, undivided attention, even if it makes me a bit nervous. And when they don’t interrupt mid-sentence. It just…it makes me feel like people actually care about what I have to say. Even if what I say isn’t really much.”

Nishinoya stared at him with an intensity akin to the sun at high noon. Asahi bent his head and looked away, feeling self-conscious. “I might have...said too much. Sorry.”

“You really think that about yourself?” Nishinoya asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t berate yourself like that after you said those things,” Nishinoya scolded. “Of course what you say matters. You of all people.”

Asahi felt all the heat rush to his face. “You’re learning.”

“You’re not that hard to read,” Nishinoya returned. “Well, for those kinds of things, anyway. What else?”

“Um, it helps to be a bit…patient? And maybe not so loud. Not that it’s a bad thing!” Nishinoya started to glare at him, and Asahi immediately retaliated. “It’s just - again, I’m only speaking from my experience, but it can be kind of  startling? And a little intimidating.”

Nishinoya took this quietly, which only unnerved Asahi even more. He seemed even louder when he opted to be silent than he was normally. “So you’re telling me quiet people get intimidated easily?”

“Maybe not everyone,” Asahi responded. “But Shimizu...she seems like the type.”

“And this is how Kiyoko-san works?”

“As best as I can guess.”

Nishinoya quietly absorbed this. “So, let me get this straight,” he said. “If I understand you and become your friend, I’ll be able to at least _talk_ to Kiyoko-san.”

“I think so?”

“Huh, okay then. Sounds easy enough.” He untangled his legs and stood up, dusting his school pants. “How do we start?”

“Well.” Asahi thought about it for a minute. “Maybe doing your own homework?”

The bell rang loud and clear through the rooftop, signaling the end of free period and their dismissal. Nishinoya just laughed. “You’re funny, Asahi-san. I’m learning new things about you everyday.” He made his way to the edge, where their bags lay. “C’mon! Let’s get Kimi home. Where do you live again?”

Asahi sighed heavily, collecting the snoozing Kimi in his arms. It was worth a shot.


	2. Chapter 2

Asahi became busier then. Nishinoya presence was almost a constant in Asahi’s everyday life, so much so that he made friends with Suga. It was weird, which was the best word Asahi could use to describe his current situation. Two months ago his life was normal; now he was having lunch with Nishinoya on the rooftop, and hanging out with him after school. Asahi had so much going on for him that his mother was beginning to suspect he was seeing someone, which he denied with a great deal of stammering.

He almost forgot about the other letters he sent...almost.

So when his Physics teacher from hell slammed the familiar envelope on the teacher’s desk, demanding whoever wrote it to come forward, Asahi thought his life was pretty much over. He shouldn’t have even entertained the thought of sending that letter - it was just a horrible day and he’d been embarrassed in front of his entire class. He didn’t even know where that sudden vengefulness that motivated him to send the letter originated from.

Knowing his conscience wouldn’t let him sleep until he confessed, he found himself in the faculty room during lunch time, head bowed down in front of his teachers desk.

Surprisingly his teacher, Mr. Tsujimoto, gave him a genuine smile. “Thank you for telling me this, Azumane-kun,” he said in an even more surprising gentle voice. Asahi was so used to high volume and scathing remarks. “But I know you’re not the one who sent me the letter.”

Asahi froze, slowly lifting his head to look at his teacher. “What?”

Mr. Tsujimoto sighed, turning his chair towards Asahi. “I know you, Azumane-kun. I don’t believe someone like you could do this, even as a prank,” he explained. “We’ll do it this way - tell me the name of the person who put you up to this. Was it from your class?”

“B-But sir -“

“If this person is from another class, you can tell me as well. I’ll speak to their homeroom teachers about it. All I ask is that you be honest. This person will receive the sanction they deserve. They may even be barred from graduation.”

Asahi’s blood ran cold, and he felt his palms turn sweaty in almost a snap. “Sir, I’m - I’m sorry. But it really was -“

“It was me!”

Across the faculty room, Nishinoya raised his hand. Beside him Ms. Watanabe, his English teacher last year, looked at Nishinoya in shock. Asahi could sympathize - he didn’t even notice Nishinoya when he came in.

“What?” Mr. Tsujimoto’s tone had taken a completely different route, anger quickly seething in that one word.

Nishinoya sauntered over despite Ms. Watanabe’s protests, hands in his pockets and an almost neutral expression on his face. Asahi didn’t like it one bit - he didn’t understand what was going on at all. It was one thing for Mr. Tsujimoto not to believe him when he _was_ telling the truth, but this was something else.

“Nishinoya -“

“It was me,” Nishinoya repeated, sending Asahi a glare that pretty much nailed him to the linoleum. His expression then shifted to his usual smirk, and he turned his attention back to Mr. Tsujimoto. “I was the one who sent the letter.”

“Well, that changes things then,” Mr Tsujimoto said, before sending Asahi a mild smile. “You can go, Azumane-kun. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

“B-But…” Asahi hesitated, his body telling him one thing and his mind another. Nishinoya shot him another glare, and Asahi gave a reluctant bow before quietly making his way to the exit.

He turned around just as Mr. Tsujimoto slammed his hand on his desk. “I knew it was you!” He exclaimed, bolting up and pointing an accusatory finger in front of Nishinoya’s face. “I didn’t want to think of it, but I was right!”

Ms. Watanabe at this point had walked over briskly, heels clicking as she went. “Nishinoya-kun,” she called, “don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you -“

Mr. Tsujimoto turned to her with an expression caught in between rage and politeness. “Ms. Watanabe, I’m sorry, I need to speak with Nishinoya-kun -”

“That's going to have to wait,” Ms. Watanabe said, stopping in front of the two of them. “I’m still not done speaking with him.“

“Okay, stop.” Nishinoya piped up, holding his hands out on front of both of them. They both froze, turning their attention back to Nishinoya. “You can both have your turn. Sir, let’s start with you.”

Asahi could practically hear the sharp kettle-like whistle emanating from both Mr. Tsujimoto and Ms. Watanabe’s heads. It was almost like watching a volcano explode, and Nishinoya looked like the situation just mildly amused him.

“Fine!” Mr. Tsujimoto exclaimed, arms flying about. “Look. I don’t know what happened to you, Nishinoya Yuu. You keep getting into trouble over and over. Do you even know why everyone in this faculty tolerates what you do?”

Nishinoya tilted his head, waiting for an answer with a raised eyebrow.

“Because you were nothing like this in junior high! Your grades were good, your disciplinary record was clean, you were named best libero in the prefecture! You were on your way to nationals while _still_ maintaining grades above average! How you went from that to how you are now continues to baffle us.”

“You skip _exams,_ Nishinoya!” Ms. Watanabe shouted exasperatedly. “And let’s not even get into your attendance record, or your lack of it rather -“

Asahi had no words left - it felt like someone had pried open a can of worms and it all exploded in his face. He could only stare back at the scene with his mouth open, all while Nishinoya took in everything with the corner of his mouth upturned.

“Do you think all your rebellion is going to get you anywhere?” Mr. Tsujimoto continued. “That - That being cool and uncaring is going to let you _graduate_?”

“Azumane-kun.”

Asahi nearly jumped out of his skin as he faced forward. Takeda, his literature teacher, stood in the doorway, head bowed and looking as embarrassed as Asahi felt.

“Sorry, do you need something?” Takeda asked him. “I might need to get to my table…”

“Oh, um, yes sir. Sorry sir!” Asahi said quickly, giving a bow before stepping out of the way and slipping out the door. He looked back one last time just to see Nishinoya bow his head and for the first time since Asahi’s met him. Before he was out of sight, Asahi thought Nishinoya looked ashamed.

*

It was tense and quiet when Asahi met up with Nishinoya after school. Nishinoya had waited outside Asahi’s classroom like he did at times, and announced they were going hunting for a new ramen place and nothing much else.

Asahi, for most of their walk, weighed his words along with the new information he learned from earlier that day. His mind had so many versions of Nishinoya now - from the rebel everyone claimed him to be, the overly playful underclassmen Asahi met on a daily basis, to the enigmatic guy who looked at Asahi with a gentleness that didn’t seem to stem from anywhere. Trying to reconcile all those versions to one just gave Asahi a headache.

Looking at Nishinoya now, he seemed a little less intimidating, all the fear he ingrained in Asahi’s system falling apart at the seams. He wasn’t someone to be afraid of, or a mystery Asahi had to unlock. Instead, he was unbearably raw and human; he was just as much of a kid as Asahi was.

“There’s something on your mind,” Nishinoya said after they crossed the street. He wasn’t looking at Asahi; he had both his hands in his pockets and a neutral expression on his face.

Asahi sighed. “It’s about what happened at the faculty room,” he said. “You…didn’t have to do that, Nishinoya.”

Nishinoya gave Asahi another one of his looks. “Yes, I did,” Nishinoya replied. “It’s what friends do.”

“But you didn’t send that letter. It was all me.”

“You were only in the fight last month because of me. In my mind, it was only fair that I stick up for you.” Nishinoya slowed his walk, matching his pace with Asahi’s slower one. “Besides, you wouldn’t be able to handle Tsujimoto. First offense is always the worst.”

Asahi frowned. “You still didn’t have to.”

Nishinoya exhaled. “Well, then I _wanted_ to.” He said this with an air of finality, and Asahi didn’t argue anymore. “I bet you have questions.”

“Questions?”

“About what you heard, Asahi. I know you heard everything.”

There was no use playing coy about it, really. Not that Asahi was ever good about playing coy about anything. “Mr. Tsujimoto said you were on a volleyball team in junior high?”

Nishinoya’s nose wrinkled, and he attempted to hide it by turning away from Asahi. “It wasn’t much of a team,” he mumbled.

“A team that made it to prefecturals,” Asahi said. “That’s…That’s really big, Nishinoya. And you…you were good. You got an award for it.”

“Well, it was for nothing, so it doesn’t really matter,” Nishinoya snarled. He adjusted the sling of his bag and walked faster, causing Asahi to widen his strides.

The rational part of Asahi’s brain told him to drop it. It was what he’d do normal, if it was any one of his friends. But he felt the push in him, one that he couldn’t ignore, one that continued nag his mind with an onslaught of questions.

“I think it mattered.”

Nishinoya halted, and Asahi for all his balance issues, had enough sense to stop right before Nishinoya could crash into him. He turned around slowly.

“What?” Nishinoya asked, in that quiet yet quickly angering tone.

Asahi wasn’t afraid of it anymore, of Nishinoya, just as he thought earlier. He took a step forward, the tips of their shoes touching. “I think it mattered,” he repeated, “I think it mattered more to you than you want to admit.”

This seemed to surprise Nishinoya, by the way his eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets. He opened his mouth but no words came out. He closed it and tried again, but nothing happened. Asahi belatedly realized that he had rendered Nishinoya speechless.

“A-Am I…” Asahi quickly lost his nerve then, but he tried to steel himself with whatever little resolve he had left. It was only curiosity holding him up now. He looked Nishinoya dead in the eyes. “Am I right?”

Nishinoya finally stopped gaping like a fish, and his face turned red. “It’s none of your business!” he finally said, looking down at his shoes.

“If you want me to be your friend, shouldn’t it be my business? If it’s something that bothers you, or something that keeps you from being the best version of yourself, shouldn’t it matter?”

“Asahi-san, will you drop it?”

“Not until I know why.”

In a blink, the wall in front of Nishinoya’s face broke. Asahi watched it all crumble, Nishinoya’s expression slowly shifting away from anger and annoyance. In it’s place was something a little broken, more vulnerable, and it made Nishinoya look uncharacteristically (though not unironically) smaller.

“It’s stupid,” Nishinoya tried for the last time, but even Asahi could see the fight slowly leaving him. It made Asahi move just a little closer.

“It’s not stupid if it bothers you,” Asahi consoled softly. “That’s - well, I’m not the best spokesperson for it, really. It’s something I’m still learning myself.” He didn’t bother to add that he was still in the early stages of it.

Nishinoya studied Asahi’s face, eyes searching for something. Asahi stayed very still. He hoped what he said to Nishinoya would be enough to prove that he was being genuine.

Eventually, Nishinoya let out a sigh that sounded more tired than anything. “’S not that complicated,” he said, eyes darting to his shoes again, at the point where theirs touched. “I loved volleyball, was pretty good at it. I did pretty well for myself in junior high. In my second year we had this _awesome_ team, the best and we got all the way to the final four.”

Asahi watched the emotions that passed through Nishinoya’s face like flashing lights. Fondness, happiness, nostalgia. He still wasn’t looking at Asahi. “God, it sounds so little now? But when you’re from a no-name team, no-name school, it was _huge._ It was everything to me, to my team. They all looked up to me. They kept telling me, ‘Get us to nationals, Noya!’ and I wanted to. We would have.”

A raincloud hovered over Nishinoya just as his expression fell. “We got to prefectural finals, fourth set and leading, when I lost my footing and sprained my stupid ankle. It wasn’t even -” He let out a breath through his teeth, and curled his fingers into a fist. “It was shitty and annoying. I just tripped and that was it. All those days of training wasted on a stupid sprain. Everyone on the team tried so hard, better than I’ve ever seen them, but it was useless. The other team caught up and that was it.”

Asahi watched Nishinoya’s jaw clench, and something in his chest ached. He didn’t have any experience with being on a team, but he knew a lot about failing the people who relied on him. In that regard, they were a lot more similar than he thought they were.

“So what happened, between then and now?” Asahi asked, treading carefully.

“I don’t know! I just - I hated myself so much that I just stopped caring about everything else.” Nishinoya bent his head even lower, until all Asahi could see was the top of his head. “I felt like…like I deserved it.”

Asahi’s chest tightened again. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said quietly, because it was what Suga told him, what everyone else told him when he was in a similar place. Now he was starting to believe it, both for Nishinoya and himself. “You couldn’t have prevented that from happening. It was out of your control.”

“It feels like it, most days,” he mumbled. “I should have been more careful, should’ve been smarter. I should have been _better._ ”

“Did your teammates blame you for it?”

“No! And that’s the worst part!” Nishinoya groaned. “ _They_ were the ones sorry that they couldn’t get us the win. They said they were the ones who were lacking. Kept saying they should’ve been able to manage without me.”

Asahi took a second to process this. “Do you blame them for it?”

Nishinoya looked like Asahi had slapped him. “Of course not!”

“Then it’s the same thing for you.” Asahi took a chance, placing his hand on Nishinoya’s shoulder. After a second, he looked up at Asahi, looking small and young, trusting Asahi completely. “If they could do it over, I’m sure they would have still played that game.”

“But we’d still lose.”

“But you _tried_ ,” Asahi said. “You said it yourself - your no-name team from a no-name school got as far as prefectural finals. You probably went farther than you thought you guys ever would. And you did it all together. With people you care about. Doesn’t that count for something?”

Nishinoya was quiet for a long time. He tore his gaze away from Asahi, instead staring forlornly at a spot on Asahi’s shoulder. In the meantime, Asahi played his own words over and over again in his head, and wondered - was it too much? Wasn’t it over the line? What if it was? What if -

“I guess so,” Nishinoya said, interrupting Asahi’s train of thought. “So…what? Did I screw my life up for nothing?”

“You couldn’t help the way you felt, Nishinoya,” Asahi said. “but it’s not too late to change things. You’re still in your second year - you have time.”

The wind blew, making its way down the street and billowing past them. Asahi felt it against the back of his neck and he fought back a shiver. In contrast, Nishinoya didn’t budge. He seemed a million miles away, lost in thoughts that Asahi could no longer reach. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t, so he opted to wait. He spied the moon rising over the rooftops, the bright crescent quietly lighting up the street.

Finally, Nishinoya looked back at Asahi, and he saw less of that sadness now. In its place was calm, like the surface of a lake in the late evening. It took away some of that restless energy from Nishinoya’s shoulders, leaving him a little more relaxed. Looking his age for once, instead of the grown-up he was trying to be.

“Thanks, Asahi-san,” he said quietly between them.

“It’s nothing. It’s what friends do.”

Nishinoya knocked his shoulder against Asahi’s chest. “Taking my words?”

Asahi gave him a small smile. “They’re true.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, until Asahi grew self-conscious. He felt his face grow warm and he looked away. He heard Nishinoya cough loudly.

“Okay!” Nishinoya exclaimed, his voice echoing all the way down the street. “That’s enough emotional talk for me today - or ever. You better not tell anyone about this Asahi-san. I have a reputation to uphold.”

Asahi fought back a snicker, but nodded. It was impressive how Nishinoya could switch moods so easily. “Just between us then.”

The smile on Nishinoya’s face formed slowly, but it was like watching the sun rise. “I like how that sounds,” he said, voice a tad softer than it usually was.

They never did find a ramen shop, in the end. They agreed to get some cup noodles from the first convenience store they spotted instead. They ate quietly but it wasn’t awkward, not for a moment. Asahi felt comfortable and completely at ease. And with the way Nishinoya looked at him smiling behind a pair of chopsticks, Asahi knew he felt the same.

“I didn’t know you were so wise,” Nishinoya said while they walked home. Their houses were only a train station away from each other, and they passed the same route. “Or stubborn. You’re almost as stubborn as me.”

Asahi couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I might be learning.”

Nishinoya let out cackle, the sound of it melting into the night sky. “Not sure you should be learning that from me, Asahi-san.”

Asahi caught the beginnings of a smile on Nishinoya’s face. Not his usual smirk this time. Instead, it was soft and genuine, and it made warmth spread all throughout Asahi’s chest. And no matter how cold the breeze grew on Asahi’s way home, when got off the train a station earlier that Nishinoya did, it took none of that warmth away.

*

“What’s happening with Asahi?”

“Beats me. What I want to know is how he’s getting Noya to sit still. He’s not even twitching.”

“Would you say he’s a twitchy person?”

“I’ve seen dead worms move less than he does.”

Asahi heard Suga and Tanaka loud and clear, but he paid them no mind. “That’s how you solve for it,” he finished. “Well…best as I can explain, anyway.”

Nishinoya bit his lip, staring at his notebook full of solutions like it would start jumping out of the page. “Asahi-san, how does that make any sense?”

Asahi floundered a bit. Ever since their talk more than a month ago, Nishinoya had been dedicated to pull his life back together. He vowed to quit his fights, attend class, do his homework, and went against everything he used to be known for. He even wore proper uniform - keeping his usually popped collar down and exchanging his black tank top for the standard white. These days, when people passed him in the halls, it was because they couldn’t believe their eyes.

Nishinoya, by Asahi’s observations, was too busy to notice the change in reaction around him. He spent his time practicing volleyball on weekends and studying after school on weekdays, which meant that Asahi was also playing volleyball on the weekends and studying on weekdays. It didn’t bother Asahi much - he still managed to catch up on his own schoolwork, and he grew to look forward to volleyball weekends. Nishinoya’s presence grew more pleasant, Asahi growing more comfortable with him with the days that passed. While he still teased, Asahi came to realize that it never really came from a bad place, and Nishinoya proved it by constantly encouraging Asahi on almost anything, claiming Asahi could do anything he dedicated himself to. Which apparently included tutoring.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Asahi wasn’t a star student by any means - he just studied enough to get by. He should’ve asked Suga to do this. “I can try explaining it again, if you want me to.”

“No it’s not that.” Nishinoya ran his finger down a few lines, but Asahi’s eyes kept flickering to Nishinoya’s mouth. Which he needed to stop. Immediately. “Can’t you just do it another way?”

“Do it what way?” Asahi asked, trying to keep his voice even and his expression neutral. It wouldn’t do well for him now to let Nishinoya on to what his mind was up to.

Nishinoya plucked the pen out of Asahi’s grasp and started to write, starting from the corner of the scratch paper they were using. “I don’t know if this’ll make any sense, but this is kinda how I understand it in my head.”

Asahi waited, watching the letters and numbers Nishinoya scribbled onto the paper with a little difficulty. It was one thing to try reading upside down, but Nishinoya’s handwriting was as close to another language as one could get. Asahi needed at least a few minutes to decipher it.

“Here,” Nishinoya lifted his pen, turned the paper over, and shoved it Asahi’s way.

Asahi studied the new solution, holding the paper further away from him to see the bigger picture. It was a good thing they were studying calculus and not literature, which took them twice as long as it would have yesterday. Nishinoya was good, it was actually his best subject, but -

“Well?” Nishinoya asked, and Asahi could hear both apprehension and impatience in his tone. More of the apprehension these days.

“You can admit Noya’s handwriting is shit, Asahi-san,” Tanaka called from the table behind them. “Not even aliens can read it.”

“Ah, well -“

Nishinoya leaned back on his chair to hit Tanaka on the shoulder, causing Tanaka to yelp loudly. “Not like yours is any better!”

“‘Scuse you, my penmanship is immaculate! It’s my only redeeming quality!”

“This is why you two are on separate tables,” Suga said, hiding a laugh behind his hand. “Asahi, you can scold them, you know. Nishinoya told you to be stricter.”

“Yeah, Asahi-san!” Nishinoya piped up, angling his body back to facing Asahi. “Ryuu, stop distracting me.”

“Distracting you? You’re the one who -“

“This is right,” Asahi said, then winced when he noted how loud his voice got. Tanaka stopped, and Nishinoya tilted his head at Asahi.

“Your solution,” he clarified, “it’s correct.”

“Are you for real?” Nishinoya asked in disbelief, his mouth already curving into a smile. “Thank god, I’m not that hopeless at Math after all, huh?”

Asahi took the pencil again and pointed to a few figures. “But don’t forget the decimal points. Mrs. Yamane docks points for that.“

“Oh shit, right.” Nishinoya plucked the pencil out of Asahi’s grasp again to correct his answers.

“And…um.” Asahi pressed his lips together, forcing the words out of his mouth before he had a chance to weigh them. “You’re not hopeless, Nishinoya.”

Nishinoya paused in his corrections, his cheeks turning pink. He resumed with a shakier hand. “You think so?”

“Yeah.”

Nishinoya looked up and something in his expression shifted, turning into something warm and soft. Asahi’s stomach flipped twice in response, and he could feel his face heat up.

Suga let out a loud yawn, disrupting the moment, and he ran his fingers through his perpetually messy hair. Asahi broke eye contact with Nishinoya immediately and turned to his best friend.

“You don’t have to wait for me,” he said. “I know it’s getting late.”

This prompted Suga to immediately shake his head, blinking the drowsiness from his eyes. “Oh no, you take your time, Asahi,” he said. “I’m sure Nishinoya needs all your help. Tanaka and I are fine here.”

Suga shot him that all-knowing smile. Asahi returned with the best glare he could manage, which probably wasn’t much of a glare at all. It didn’t help that Tanaka looked at both him and Nishinoya with a glint in his eye. It was a mistake to introduce those two.

“Suga -“

“Asahi-san,” Nishinoya said, derailing Asahi’s train of thought in the worst way by pinching his arm lightly. “The next problem?”

“Right, yes.” Asahi shook his head to rid himself of residual thoughts. “Sorry, Nishinoya.”

Nishinoya waved it off. “It’s fine. We can do five more problems and call it a night. You have your own homework to do.”

Asahi didn’t want to think about the book report waiting for him at home. Not just because it was going to take him all night, but because being here with Nishinoya was really…nice. He’s started to admit that to himself these days, albeit slowly and strung with guilt.

Realizing it however, brought its own set of problems. Proximity, for one, made Asahi’s heartbeat race so fast it would have been a flatline on an EKG. It didn’t help that Nishinoya had no concept of personal space. That he took joy in making Asahi jump ten feet in the air whenever he put his hand on Asahi’s arm or poked his hip.

Asahi shook his head again. Now was not the time to think about this; not when Nishinoya was a hair’s length distance away from him. Asahi could see just how much gel he used to slick back his shiny black hair. It was almost funny how two strands always managed to escape the hold, or maybe that was just part of the style. Why was he even thinking about Nishinoya’s hair?

“The next problem is the same as the one before,” Asahi said, leaning a bit away from Nishinoya so he could concentrate on tutoring. “Try solving it your way. See if you get the same answer as me.”

“Okay.” Nishinoya dutifully began solving, his tongue sticking out as he did. It made Asahi’s face heat up, and he looked away to solving the problem on his own.

“Did volleyball pros even do this much homework?” Nishinoya asked after a beat.

Asahi dug the pencil harder against the paper, and trained his eyes not to wander elsewhere. “I can’t say.”

“Stupid grade retention requirement.”

He couldn’t help but to let out a chuckle. “I thought you wanted to turn your life around, get on the team, get good enough to become pro?”

“Well, yeah. Doesn’t mean I have to like the process. I just wanna play on a team.”

Asahi smiled at the simplicity of it. “That’s very you, Nishinoya.”

“Just you wait. In a few years I’m going to be introducing you to the best libero the Suntory Sunbirds has ever had.”

“Which will be you?”

“Who else?”

“Noya,” Tanaka called, voice laced with shock.

“Dude, what.”

Asahi looked up just in time to see Shimizu Kiyoko approach their table shyly, a familiar blonde freshman behind her. Across him, Nishinoya stared at Kiyoko in shock, like she was an apparition and not actually standing there in front of all of them.

“Kiyoko-san,” Nishinoya managed to say, eyes wide.

“We just dropped by to say hi,” The tiny blonde said. Her name escaped Asahi, not that he had the mental faculties to recall that right now.

“I didn’t know you and Yachi passed by here, Kiyoko.” Suga said, tone friendly and light. He seemed to be the only one unaffected by Kiyoko’s sudden presence.

“We don’t usually,” Kiyoko said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked at all of them before settling her eyes on Nishinoya. “We saw you guys by the window and thought to greet you. What are you studying, Nishinoya?”

Nishinoya looked even more astonished to be addressed directly. “Uhm, calculus,” He managed, his voice surprisingly steady.

“That’s…really impressive,” Kiyoko said. She had the faint beginnings of a smile on her lips. “Do you guys study here often?”

“Lately, yeah.” Nishinoya looked like he was floating. “You’re really pretty.”

It should have earned no response. That was the way Kiyoko usually reacted to compliments, especially those made offhandedly, to Asahi’s knowledge. Maybe even a polite grimace. Instead, Kiyoko gave a subtle, pleased smile. “Thank you.”

“I mean it,” Nishinoya said.

She smiled even wider. “I know.”

She looked back at the blonde, who Asahi finally recalled the name - Yachi. “You’re right, Hitoka-chan. This is a good place to study.” She turned back to them, to Nishinoya, and directed her smile at him. “Work hard, all of you. I’ll see you around.”

No one seemed to be breathing until they heard the twinkling of the bells from the shop front. Asahi watched Tanaka turn his head towards Nishinoya, who was still staring at the spot Kiyoko stood.

“Dude, she _talked_ to you,” Tanaka remarked in awe. “She said your name.”

Nishinoya blinked. “So that really happened? I wasn’t like, imagining it?”

“If you were, then I was imagining it too.” Tanaka turned around again. “Suga-san, you saw her too, right?”

“Oh, she was very real,” Suga confirmed.

Tanaka whipped around to grip Nishinoya’s shoulder.

Nishinoya slowly smiled. “Yeah,” he said, voice soft. “I guess...I guess she was. Dude, did you see her smile at me? Like, an _actual_ smile?”

Asahi felt something inside him deflate. His skin felt prickly, ike he knocked into a cactus and couldn’t get the needles out. Suga caught his eye from the other table, but Asahi looked away immediately. He didn’t want his best friend to see whatever expression was on his face. He focused his attention to their last problem, trying to embed the numbers and letters into his mind.

“Who knew studying would get her to pay attention to you?” Tanaka said.

“Guess that means I need to study even harder!” Nishinoya said enthusiastically, which earned a loud ‘Shh!’ from the girl behind the counter. He ignored it. “You’ll help, right Asahi-san?”

Asahi blinked back into the present. “Yeah…yes. Of course.”

Nishinoya paused. “Something wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” Asahi said immediately, opening one of his notebooks. Why did he have his Physics notebook when they were studying Math? “Just…a bit tired, that’s all.”

“We can stop, if you’re too tired. It’s fine,” Nishinoya suggested, his voice turning quiet again. It was the voice he used a while ago before Kiyoko came in. Hearing it now made Asahi feel a little sick.

Asahi didn’t look up. He didn’t know how he’d react if he did. “It’s okay. It’s just one more problem. You forgot to box your answer, by the way.”

“Oh. Okay then.” Nishinoya was frowning considerably, a furrow of skin appearing between his eyebrows. “Next problem?”

“Yeah.” Asahi cleared his throat, tilting his head down so some of his hair fell into his face. One advantage of growing his hair. “This one is a little complicated, but I’ll try to make it easier to understand.” He explained the problem as best he could, all while he felt like he was trapped in a room with water slowly rising up. Right now it felt like it was up to his chest, and he couldn’t breathe.

“Asahi?” Suga’s voice called. He sounded a lot nearer than Asahi remembered.

“Hmm?” Asahi tried replying evenly. He looked up to see Suga already hovering over their table.

“Didn’t you say you were getting your sister a drink to take home?” Suga asked, a light smile on his face. “What did she want again?”

Asahi was pretty sure he didn’t have to get a drink for his sister. “Suga, what -”

“C’mon. I’ll help you pick.” Suga tugged him out of his seat before he could vocalize a protest. “Nishinoya, it’ll just be a second.”

“No problem, Suga-san!” Nishinoya chirped, not looking up from his work.

Asahi allowed himself to be led towards the counter, a good distance away from where their tables were. Suga stopped abruptly in front of the counter, looking up at the menu with interest.

“I -”

“Look up at the menu with me,” Suga instructed in a low voice, maintaining a curious expression. Asahi reluctantly followed suit, and after a brief moment, Suga continued. “If we have to, say your mom has someone over for dinner. Some important office person. You were supposed to help with prep with your brother but you forgot. I’ll confirm it since we walked to school together anyway.”

Asahi was doing very badly at pretending to read the menu. Suga said it so quickly he missed half of what he said. “What are you talking about?”

Suga’s curious expression didn’t falter. “I could practically _hear_ your thoughts from across the table, Asahi. What I’m saying is if you want to leave early, we can. You’ve been off since Kiyoko came in - you think I didn’t notice?”

It took a while for Asahi to process the words, but when he did, a wave of relief washed over him. He sighed. “Thanks, Suga. Do I really have to get my sister milk tea?”

“No. I just needed an excuse to talk to you without Nishinoya hearing.” Suga faced him. “But you have to be the one to tell him.”

Asahi nodded. Despite the guilt rising with every other emotion he was feeling right now, he walked back to the table and tapped Nishinoya on the back of his hand.

“I need to get home,” Asahi said when Nishinoya looked up. “I forgot I was supposed to help my mom with dinner.”

“Oh, okay.” Nishinoya put his pencil down and closed his notebook. “Give me a sec, I’ll just finish this up and we can walk together.”

“No! It’s…you can stay here to study more, if you want.” Asahi closed his own notebooks and placed it in his bag along with his pencils and pens, not bothering to fix them properly. “I’ll walk back with Suga.”

Nishinoya looked confused, and maybe a little concerned. “You sure? It won’t take more than five minutes.”

Asahi closed the flap over his bag. “It’s fine, I don’t want to rush you.” He did his best to give Nishinoya a small smile, which felt like a huge accomplishment on its own. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

This seemed to appease Nishinoya’s hesitance enough to make him smile back. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks, by the way.”

“It’s nothing.” Asahi quickly zipped up his bag, slinging one strap over his shoulder. “Tanaka, I’m sorry to rush out like this.”

Tanaka flashed him an easy grin. “No worries, Asahi-san,” He said as he got up from his chair. “I’ll get Noya home in one piece.”

Nishinoya scoffed. “You’re scared of my neighbor’s dog. I might be the one getting _you_ home in pieces.”

“You should be more scared of that monster. It’s as big as you.”

“What are you trying to say?”

Asahi and Suga left after watching the friendly scuffle between Nishinoya and Tanaka, which was almost the norm for them at this point. He remembered when he thought he actually had to break up a potential fight. Nishinoya had laughed it off, saying he was just going to ruffle Tanaka’s non-existent hair. It had resulted in a lot of playful punches and shoves, but no one got hurt. It was almost funny for him to watch now, though tonight wasn’t one of those moments at all.

They walked out into the cool night, Asahi burrowing his hands into the pockets of his jacket. The sweater over his uniform wasn’t enough to keep him from letting out a shiver whenever a breeze passed by. It did however, do a lot to clear his head. As for the heavy feeling in his chest, it just seemed to swim upwards.

The image of Nishinoya staring at Kiyoko wouldn’t leave his mind. He looked at her like she was his own personal sun. Which she was, when Asahi thought about it. That was part of their deal, wasn’t it? To get Kiyoko to notice Nishinoya enough to give him a shot?

From the corner of Asahi’s eye, he saw Suga press his lips together. “Asahi -“

“I don’t want to talk about it, Suga.” Asahi winced at the sharpness of his own voice. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” he said in a softer tone.

Suga frowned. “I know you didn’t. But Asahi -“

“Suga, please?” Asahi asked, almost begged. “We can talk about it tomorrow. I just…need someone to be quiet with.”

He heard the hesitation in Suga’s silence loud and clear, like the moments before a sudden outpour of rain on a clear night. He knew Suga would pester him, would fire a million questions at him. That’s the kind of best friend he was. But Asahi didn’t know how he was going to explain the heavy feeling in his chest; he didn’t even understand why he felt so upset.

“Asahi.” Suga’s voice was a lot softer now, and when Asahi turned to face him, his eyes were filled to the brim with worry. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Like what?” Asahi wrapped his arms around his middle. He couldn’t decipher what Suga was trying to say.

“Well, a lot of things, for starters. Weekend volleyball practices? Tutoring Nishinoya after school? You told me you barely had any time for your own homework.”

Asahi stopped in his tracks, lowering his arms to his sides. “I thought you said Nishinoya wasn’t that bad.”

“It’s not so much about Nishinoya as it is about you, Asahi. I’ve never seen you so…sure of yourself until lately. You’re happier, but also a lot more serious.”

This wasn’t the conversation he expected to have. He certainly didn’t feel sure of himself now. If anything, he felt more lost than ever. “I don’t know what you want from me, Suga.”

“And you don’t hesitate to tell me what you’re thinking anymore!” Suga remarked with a tiny smile, one that faded when Asahi didn’t respond. “Asahi, what I’m trying to say is I think you need to be a bit kinder to yourself. I can practically hear your self-depreciating thoughts.”

“I’m not thinking anything.”

“And I think you should tell Nishinoya the truth about Daichi.”

Asahi felt that familiar wave of dread wash over him. “What good would that do?”

“Well, it’d avoid any potential misunderstandings, for one. Weren’t you the one who told me you two were friends?”

“We _are_ friends.”

“So it won’t kill you to tell him you don’t actually _like_ Daichi. Then you can tell him -“

Asahi raised his eyebrow. “Tell him what?”

Suga exhaled. “Tell him the thing you won’t admit to me. The thing you won’t even admit to yourself.”

Asahi went back to wrapping his arms around himself. All those feelings came crashing down on him again. “Let’s stop please.” He closed his eyes, feeling the breeze brush past his face, close to that familiar biting cold. What he would give to deal with that than whatever this was right now.

Suga was quiet for a long time, and Asahi could already imagine the kind of expression on his face, what he was thinking. Eventually he said, “Okay, Asahi.”

Asahi slowly opened his eyes. “…Wow. You gave in pretty easily.”

“Only because you said please,” Suga said, continuing to walk at a slower pace than earlier. Asahi followed after a beat. “For the record -“

“This is talking about it.”

“Last one, I promise,” Suga pleaded. When Asahi relented, he continued. “Tanaka-san told me while you two were studying that he’s never seen Nishinoya so serious about something before. About _someone_. You might want to think about that.”

Asahi looked at Suga skeptically. He hated the tendrils of hope that started to bloom in his chest, and he did his best to squash it down. “He really told you that?”

“Have I lied to you?”

Suga’s only ever lied to Asahi once, when they were thirteen and Suga broke Asahi’s walkman and replaced it with a new one without telling him. He only ever found out about it two years later, when Suga saw it in his room.

They stopped in front of the gates of Asahi’s house, the light in the living room still open. His mother really was waiting for him, it seemed.

“Thanks, Suga,” Asahi said, giving as much of a smile as he could.

Suga returned it with something more sympathetic. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Asahi. Chin up. And I’m sorry, but welcome to the hopeless fools club.”

“Daichi isn’t that far off your horizon, you know.”

Suga laughed, but it sounded flat to Asahi. He easily saw the tinge of hopelessness in his eyes, the one he got whenever they talked about this. “I don’t know about that.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Suga,” Asahi said, trying to mimic the same tone Suga used earlier. It just came out as a softer rendition of it.

Suga gaped at him, the smile reaching his eyes this time. “You learned that from Nishinoya, I swear you did! You never used to sass me before.”

Asahi ducked his head. “Sor -“

Suga socked him in the shoulder before he could complete his apology. “You’re not allowed to apologize for those kinds of things, remember?” He said with that eerily playfulness in his voice.

Asahi clutched his shoulder, pressing it with his palm. “I remember,” he said through his teeth. “I wasn’t sassing.”

“I know.”

They both turned to the sound of Asahi’s mother calling his name from inside the house. Probably the living room, where she was cross stitching. Suga poked him on the arm. “Remember what I said. Don’t sulk too much!”

Asahi barely had any time to come up with a reaction before Suga took his leave. Despite not feeling as overwhelmed as he did before he left the café he studied at with Nishinoya, he let out an exhausted sigh. Suga’s words helped, but the doubts settled in as easy as dust on a clean surface.

After all, who was Asahi to hope for someone like Nishinoya Yuu to be interested in him?

*

The rumors surrounding Nishinoya continued. Teachers stuttered whenever Nishinoya asked a question in class. He was barely called into the faculty room or in the principal’s office, except to dispel false accusations made against him. Student murmured in the halls constantly, wondering what the cause for the change could be. Asahi had a pretty good idea.

Kiyoko started studying in the same café on Wednesdays. While this surprisingly did not have any effect on  Nishinoya’s concentration, Asahi caught the subtle glances Nishinoya made when he thought Asahi wasn’t looking. Whenever Nishinoya said hello, she returned it with hints of a smile, not looking inconvenienced at all.

It made Asahi doubtful of what Suga told him. Nishinoya was serious, yes, but he wasn’t doing it because Asahi made him. Whatever flicker of hope he had that night was quickly snuffed out.

“There’s something wrong with you.”

Asahi watched the ball sail over the net, a blue and yellow blur against the purple sky. “Huh?”

The ball hit Nishinoya’s forearms easily, sailing back in a perfect arc towards Asahi. “Sorry, that was a little mean. I just wanted to say you’ve been off lately.”

“Have I?” Asahi asked, all effort put into making his tone as casual as possible. The ball hit near the bend of his arm, causing it to veer left instead of straight. “Sorry!”

“I got it!” Nishinoya adjusted easily. He dove to Asahi’s left, the ball bouncing off his closed fist. Instead of receiving it, Asahi caught the ball in his hands. “Asahi-san, why’d you catch it!”

“Are you okay?” Asahi walked closer, but Nishinoya waved him off.

“Fine!” Nishinoya announced, slowly pushing himself off the ground. “I’ve gotten worse scrapes, but at least I got it.”

Asahi gave a relieved smile as he went under the net. “You’re getting better.”

“It’s just practice.” Nishinoya grinned.  “Speaking of - how about a jump serve?”

“It…still needs a bit of work.”

“Well, no time to work on it but now. Besides, I need to practice receiving those. C’mon, let’s switch courts.”

Asahi didn’t move when Nishinoya walked past him, bumping his elbow against Asahi’s arm as he did. An emotion he couldn’t name caught him, leaving him feeling desperate to catch on to Nishinoya. He pushed it down as he did all the others, but it manifested in speech instead.

“Nishinoya, I need to tell you something.”

He gripped the volleyball in his hands tighter when he realized what he said. He slowly turned to check for Nishinoya’s reaction, which was a hand on his hip and a curious expression.

“Sure,” Nishinoya said easily. “What is it?”

Asahi opened his mouth to speak. His brain hadn’t caught up with whatever his mouth had to say, and for a second, he feared he was going to spill everything out in the open. He clamped his mouth shut, and quietly counted to five.

“Asahi-san?”

Pressure drove him to count to ten instead. When Asahi was sure he wasn’t going to say something he would definitely regret, he exhaled slowly, feeling the air leaving his lungs.

“Promise me that you’ll go far.”

Nishinoya looked even more confused. “Far?”

Asahi knew this train of thought. He might as well haul everything else out with it. Anything to redirect the conversation away from a possible train wreck.“Promise me you won’t quit volleyball anymore. That you’ll…that you’ll play for the Sunbirds one day.”

“What let this on?”

“Just…a lot of thinking.”

“You’re always thinking.” Nishinoya stood up, wiping the dust off his hands on his shorts. “Even if you like the Rockets better?”

Asahi tilted his head from side to side. “I might be willing to change allegiance.”

Nishinoya smiled, soft around the edges. “You got it, Asahi-san.”

They were quiet for the next few serves, Asahi trying jump serves as prompted. He didn’t feel any better, he hasn’t for days, but he found it easier to smile at Nishinoya now. He was thankful that Nishinoya either forgot or didn’t press on Asahi not being his normal self. He wasn’t sure what answer he could give that would save him from not admitting the truth.

“I need you to promise me something, too,” Nishinoya said after their third rally.

“What would that be?” Asahi followed the trajectory of the ball, pushing it up with his hands rather than receiving it with his arms.

“Promise me you’ll do something good with your life after graduation.” Nishinoya stepped forward as the ball hit his forearms. “You’re meant for so much more, Asahi-san. It wouldn’t surprise me if I heard about you one day doing some awesome stuff for this world.”

This lasted for two passes. Asahi didn’t quite know what to do with that. He felt all the heat rush to his face as he sent the ball over to Nishinoya again. “You think too highly of me, Nishinoya.”

An expression Asahi couldn’t decipher crossed Nishinoya’s face. “Someone has to, if you won’t. Though I hope you will one day.”

“Think highly of myself?”

Nishinoya shook his head, and he made eye contact with Asahi for one brief moment. “That you’ll see the you that I see.”

Asahi lowered his arms. His skin left raw and exposed, like he was scrubbed down until the person he hid under all his sweaters was out in the open, and yet he didn’t feel the need to hide. Nishinoya gazed at him like it was exactly who he wanted to see, and Asahi felt that for once in his life that it was okay for him to be the way he was.

The ball bounced off the top of his head, making him jump in place. It bounced off the floor and over to the side of the net, next to the pole that held it up. Nishinoya stared at Asahi in shock before bursting into a fit of laughter. It was Asahi’s favourite one - full of cheer and none of that mocking undertone. Asahi found himself laughing alongside Nishinoya, the sound dispersing into the early night.

“Jeez, Asahi-san. You’re so cu -“ Nishinoya stopped, immediately clamping his mouth shut.

Asahi let out another small laugh. “I’m what?”

“Funny,” Nishinoya said immediately, and then nodded decisively. “You’re so funny. I’ve said it before but sometimes you’re just hilarious. Did you orchestrate that ball drop yourself or what?”

“I didn’t know you knew the word orchestrate.”

“Hey! That was on our vocabulary list last week. I’ve been trying to use all of them.”

“Have you now? What other words were on our list?”

“Tempestuous.”

Asahi felt himself smile, impressed. “And how would you use that word?”

Nishinoya thought about it for a minute before responding. “I’m no longer as tempestuous as I used to be.”

“I wouldn’t describe you as tempestuous in the slightest, Nishinoya.”

“Oh really?” Nishinoya said, a pleased smile forming on his lips. “Then what would you describe me as?”

Asahi searched his brain for the answer, but he couldn’t settle for just one. The ones at the forefront of his mind would give him away too easily, and Nishinoya deserved more than just ‘kind’ or ‘confident’, which he’s heard more than once in his life. Surely he has.

“Fearless,” Asahi settled.

“What? Fearless?” Nishinoya repeated, placing his hands on his hips.

Asahi nodded. “I don’t know…you just never seem to be afraid of anything,” he said. “You just accept things when they come running towards you, and you face them head on. Nothing fazes you.”

Nishinoya hummed thoughtfully. “I’m not always fearless, you know,” he said, voice pitched lower. “I’m afraid of a lot of things. Maybe the same things you’re afraid of.”

Asahi quickly ran through the list of his fears. They seemed to span the entire length of the volleyball court they were on. Probably even twice the length. “I find that hard to believe.”

“I’m serious! Let’s see - I’m scared of bugs that fly -“

“Anyone would be.”

“- I’m scared of my mother -“

“So am I. I think everyone is a little scared of their mother.”

“- I’m scared I’m going to get rejected when I confess.”

Asahi’s stomach sank all the way to his feet. The reminder that Nishinoya liked someone else felt like a hot brand pressed against his hollow chest. “By Shimizu?”

Nishinoya didn’t answer. He wasn’t looking at Asahi now, eyes studying the patterns on the floor. Eventually, he let out a loud sigh.

“I have a lot to lose,” he said, shoulders sagging with the admission.

“You’ve made so much progress, though,” Asahi consoled, stepping closer until he was inches away from the net. “I don’t think she’s going to reject you.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because you’re you, Nishinoya. Because underneath all that bravado is someone amazing. Just keep…just keep doing what you’re doing. I’m sure Shimizu is slowly seeing all that.”

Nishinoya bit his lip. He lifted his head and assessed Asahi’s expression. The frown on his face remained, sadness hanging over him like a raincloud, and Asahi had to clench his hand into a fist to stop himself from reaching out over the net.

“Thanks, Asahi-san,” Nishinoya said eventually, giving Asahi a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It helps to hear you say something like that.”

Asahi gave Nishinoya a wider smile in return, hoping to draw some of the sadness hanging over him away. “I mean it.”

“I know you do. I don’t think you have it in you to lie, Asahi-san.”

That much was true, Asahi thought. Being honest about his feelings was another story. Asahi watched as Nishinoya wandered off to the side, picking up the ball from earlier.

“What time is it?” He asked.

Asahi held up his left wrist, angling it until it fell across the path of one of the street lights. “Seven thirty,” he announced, lowering his arm. “You should go home. Before it gets too dark.”

Nishinoya scoffed. “You trying to get rid of me?”

“No!” Asahi said immediately. Nishinoya raised his eyebrows at the suddenness of it. “It’s just…I heard the gang from the other school is causing trouble again.” He tried to explain. Not a lie, he overheard Tanaka talking about it the other day. “They might come looking for you.”

“You know I can handle myself.”

“I know, it’s just…trying to be safe, I guess. Don’t want you to get hurt like last time.” The image of Nishinoya bent over, clutching the back of his head, eyes squeezed shut in pain floated into Asahi’s mind, and he fought a wince.

Nishinoya’s hand went to the back of his head. “Oh.” He clutched the hair at the back of his head. “Well, you know I’ll be okay. Besides, they haven’t gone near me since we started hanging out. I think they’re afraid of you.”

That shouldn’t give Asahi any comfort, people being afraid of him. He spent the better part of his life trying to make himself look friendlier, more approachable. Yet he felt it anyway, seeping into his bones and calming his heart. A small part of him was happy for it, that he could do something for Nishinoya. He didn’t think he could watch that fight happen all over again with how he felt now.

“If it helps,” Asahi said, “then I guess it’s good we became friends.”

Nishinoya raised his eyebrow, but he was smiling. “You guess?”

Asahi smiled in return. “I guess.”

“I didn’t think you had a bad bone in you, Asahi-san.”

“I’m not doing anything.” Asahi turned around. “I’ll fix up the net.”

“I’ll get our stuff!”

Their walk home was filled with Nishinoya talking Asahi’s ear off about the latest Sunbirds game. They both watched it the night before, Nishinoya with his bundle of siblings and Asahi with a blanket wrapped around him and the TV turned low. Asahi listened to Nishinoya while the leaves rustled around them. He watched as the wind lifted them off the ground and caused them to swirl around their feet.

“You really think I could go pro?” Nishinoya asked.

“I think you can do anything,” Asahi replied, feeling his cheeks warm as he said it.

Nishinoya punched his arm softly. “That’s a very biased answer.”

He got to the gate of his house first, just as a high-pitched scream cut through the air. Asahi peered beyond the gate warily. “Should you go?”

“Probably.” Nishinoya scrunched his nose as another squeal came from the house. “It’ll get ugly in about five minutes.”

“I’ll go ahead then.” Asahi adjusted the strap of his bag. “I’ll see you on Monday?”

“Bright and early! Gotta get more practice in before school starts.”

Asahi dreaded the thought of getting up before the sun was even up, but getting another chance to see Nishinoya made it a little more than bearable. He gave Nishinoya one last wave, before turning forward and heading home.

“Hey, Asahi-san?” Nishinoya called after a few seconds.

Asahi stopped and spun around a little too quickly. “Yeah?”

Nishinoya’s face didn’t have any of the playfulness from earlier. His brow was knit together in concern. “Whatever’s been bothering you…I hope you know you can talk about it. I mean,” he chuckled, “it can’t be worse than the time you lost your brother’s passport, right?”

“I thought we weren’t going to bring that up.” But Asahi found himself chuckling nonetheless.

“Is it worse than that?”

He felt his chest compress inwards. “A little,” he admitted.

“Oh.” The concerned frown on Nishinoya’s face grew. “Well…pestering doesn’t work on you, so I’ll wait ‘till you wanna tell me, yeah?”

“You...listened to the advice I gave you,” Asahi said, wonder seeping into his voice.

“Of course I did.” Nishinoya made it sound like the simplest thing in the world. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Asahi gave a tiny smile. “Nothing, I just...I didn’t think you’d take what I said seriously.”

Nishinoya shrugged. “Well, I’m trying my best. For Kiyoko-san, you know?”

The smile faded right off his face. Right. That’s why Nishinoya was doing this. What was Asahi even thinking? “Of course. Don’t worry, you’re doing great.” He cleared his throat. “Good night, Nishinoya.”

“Night. And thanks. Give our Kimi a treat or two for me.”

Asahi smiled a bit at the thought of their dog waiting for him at home. “I will.”

It was when he dropped his bag on the floor of his bedroom, bending down as Kimi bounded up to him, that he realized Nishinoya had said ‘our’ Kimi.

He let Kimi eat a third of the bag of treats, but when Nishinoya asked, he just said she had three.


	3. Chapter 3

“Suga, you’re sure I don’t look weird?”

Beside Asahi, Suga let out a loud groan that echoed across the quiet street. “You’ll start to look weird if you keep fiddling with the ends of your hair. Like told you ten times before, you look fine.”

Asahi shrunk into himself. “Sorry, I just…I feel weird.” He touched the ends of his hair, which brushed against his collarbone. “I’ve never had my hair down in public.”

“Which everyone has missed out on,” Suga concluded lightly. “Seriously, stop fiddling. You’re going to mess up your hair before Nishinoya gets a chance to see it.”

Asahi sighed loudly. “He’s not going to care, Suga. It’s just hair.”

“Asahi, do you see how much gel that boy uses on his hair? He’s going to notice, especially because it’s _you_.”

“I thought that wasn’t the reason why you did this.”

“It’s not the  _only_ reason.” Suga stopped suddenly. “What’s going on?”

Asahi’s argument died on his tongue as he looked forward to see about four or so people outside the convenience store. He craned his neck up to see a familiar head of hair seated at the bench outside. “It’s...Daichi?”

Suga stood up straighter. “Daichi?” He repeated in _that_ tone. “What’s he doing here?”

“I don’t know.”

“Go check it out,” Suga instructed, pushing Asahi forward.

“B-But -“

“Weren’t you going to buy Nishinoya soda ice cream anyway?” Asahi whipped his head around to face Suga, but Suga just raised his eyebrow at him. “Don’t look at me like that - you were thinking about it before you started worrying about your hair.”

“Why can’t you go?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say! You’ve seen how I talk to him!”

Asahi’s memory of the conversations he’s witnessed from the end of the hallway have proved him otherwise, but he opted not to argue. There were shop vendors that were easier to haggle with than a stubborn Suga.

Daichi was seated outside the store, his foot propped up on a small chair. He was still wearing his volleyball jersey, and had a slight grimace as he conversed with a teammate and a few girls hovering over him.

“You’re supposed to ice the sprain, not heat it,” Daichi’s teammate, a light haired freckled boy advised.

“But I remember from health class that we’re supposed to heat it!” The short-haired girl beside Daichi argued.

“Guys, it’s fine, really,” Daichi said, giving a pained smile to both of them. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t sprain it. I just need to take it easy for today - I’ll be fine by practice tomorrow.”

The boy and the girl exchanged skeptical glances and began to bicker some more.

Asahi looked back at Suga, who was hiding near the vendo machine. ‘Go inside!’ he mouthed, eyes flickering to Daichi and the door.

With a sigh, Asahi headed into the store, the bell twinkling above him. He made a beeline for the freezer, lamenting at the lack of soda ice. Pear would be fine, right? Nishinoya had that maybe once or twice. He dug for the one at the bottom of the freezer before moving to the counter to pay.

That’s when he noticed a familiar figure by the window, hunched over a cup of instant noodles. Asahi’s heart picked up in speed. “Nishinoya?”

Nishinoya looked up from his lunch, chopsticks with noodles hovering over the cup. His eyes widened as soon as he saw Asahi, going comically wide. The chopsticks fell from his left hand, one landing into his cup of noodles with a splash and the other rolling off the table.

Asahi startled. “Nishinoya -“

“Asahi-san?” Nishinoya spluttered. He looked like an owl that had a flashlight shone over his face. “Y-You…your hair - what?”

That didn’t sound good at all. Asahi felt the entire upper half of his body heat up, the wrapped popsicle in his hand chilly in contrast. “Is it…bad?” He couldn’t help but ask, reaching up to fiddle with the ends of his hair again.

Nishinoya snapped out of whatever trance he was in, and exclaimed, “Are you kidding, you look great!” He bolted out of his chair and walked over to Asahi. “I didn’t know your hair was that long! What’s the occasion?”

The knot in Asahi’s stomach dissipated in an instant, but his face felt even hotter. “Just…wanted a change I guess. It really looks okay?”

Nishinoya placed a hand on Asahi’s arm. “It looks _really_ good. Were you nervous about it? Why are you here? What’s with the ice cream?”

Asahi didn’t know what to do with all those questions at once. He pointed to the small group outside. “It’s…well, Daichi’s outside and -“

“The ice cream’s for him then?” Nishinoya grinned. “Asahi-san, that's a great idea! C’mon, what are you still doing here? Get out and give it to him!”

Asahi floundered a bit as Nishinoya tugged him towards the door. “B-But Nishinoya, this is for y -“

“Fine. I’ll start for you.” Nishinoya slid the door open and to Asahi’s horror, pulled him over to stand in front of Daichi. “ _He_ has something to give you. Good luck, Asahi-san! I’ll catch you later!”

Daichi and his friends stared at Nishinoya in surprise as he retreated, heading down the road in the direction of their school. Daichi then turned his head to look at Asahi. “Sorry? What?”

Everything happened in a flash to Asahi, and he couldn’t get his words out. He thrust the ice pop in his hand in front of Daichi’s face. Daichi’s friends looked more confused than ever.

“It’s…It’s from Suga,” Asahi said quickly.

“ _Ohh_.” The girl beside Daichi said loudly, before turning to Daichi and punching him on the shoulder. “Well, that’s something.”

Daichi ignored her, but took the wrapped ice pop from Asahi. “Suga?” Daichi asked. “As in Sugawara? From 3-5?”

“Y-Yeah. He said…he said he usually eats ice cream whenever he gets a sprain. It uh - helps him feel better.” It sounded like absolute garbage to Asahi now that he’s said it outloud, and he was ready for the weird looks he’d get for it.

Instead Daichi looked at Asahi, and then back at the wrapped up popsicle in his hands. He smiled then, soft at the edges while his cheeks turned pink. It was a strange look on someone like Daichi. Asahi didn’t know he could ever look anything else but composed.

“Thanks,” Daichi said. “It’s…Asahi, right? We were classmates in first year.”

“Yeah, it’s Asahi.” Asahi felt his shoulders relax. He didn’t even think Daichi would remember that. They’ve only spoken a limited number of times then.

“Sorry, the new hair threw me off. It looks good, by the way.” He looked down at the ice pop in his hand again with a smile. “Well…tell Suga thank you for me. I really appreciate it.”

“You can tell him yourself.” Asahi found himself saying. “He’d - He’d like that.”

Daichi’s smile turned into a grin. “Yeah?”

Asahi nodded. “Well…I’ll see you around, Daichi.”

“See you, Asahi. Thanks again.” He turned to his friends. “Guess I don’t need to see the nurse anymore.”

“I guess not.” The boy said, just as he exchanged smiles with the short-haired girl.

Asahi took it as his cue to leave, before the situation could get even more awkward. Suga brisk walked up to Asahi as soon as he was out of hearing distance and grabbed his sweater. “What was that? What just happened?”

He looked back to see Daichi happily unwrapping the ice cream. “Something…Something good, I hope,” he said. “For you, I mean.”

This only alarmed Suga even more. He hit Asahi on the shoulder. “Asahi! How could you do this to me!”

“It’s a good thing, I promise!” He insisted. “And besides, Nishinoya put me on the spot!”

“I can’t believe you talked to him!”

“He’s just a person, Suga.” Asahi turned back again. “Oh, here he comes right now.”

Suga looked back, and then turned back to Asahi so quickly he could have snapped his neck. Which was a thought Asahi really shouldn’t have thought, why was his brain the way it was? Suga clutched Asahi’s sweater tighter, his fingers digging into Asahi’s arm. “You are not leaving me.”

Asahi did his best to dislodge Suga, pulling his hands away. “You can do this, Suga. Just talk to him!”

“Asahi!”

“Suga, you’ll be all right,” he said, keeping his voice even. “He’s just going to thank you for the ice cream. Just - just say you’re -”

“What ice cream!”

“The ice cream I said you wanted to give him!”

“Suga?”

Asahi and Suga froze, shoulders locking into place as they both turned slowly. Daichi stood behind them, looking shy and sheepish with a hand at the back of his neck. Gone was that confident, self-assured, amicable volleyball captain everyone knew. Now he looked more approachable, less godly, maybe even normal. He leaned on his left side, to keep the weight off his right foot.

Suga, from Asahi’s perspective, might as well have turned to stone. Asahi nudged him as subtly as he could, which was by no means subtle at all given how close they all were to each other. Suga let out a yelp.

“Ah…sorry to interrupt,” Daichi said, eyes flickering to the ground before they turned to Suga. “Asahi told me you gave me this? Is it true?” He held up the half-eaten popsicle in his hand, corners bitten off and not melting as quickly from the cool fall air around them.

“Y-Yes?” Suga all but squeaked. He cleared his throat loudly. “I-I mean yes! Yeah, it was - it was me. Is that…okay?”

“Yes! It’s very, very okay.” Daichi bent his head a little, the tips of his ears turning red. “More than okay, actually.”

Suga’s eyes widened. “Oh! Well then that’s…okay. Good. I’m really glad.” Then he did something that surprised all three of them - slapped his palm against his forehead. “Not about you being injured! That’s not good _at all._ What happened anyway?”

Asahi’s levels of discomfort were beginning to rise, so he made his exit as quietly as he could. He watched as Suga moved half a step towards Daichi, who was beginning to explain the events leading up to his disputed sprain. Something about a pair of rowdy freshmen. Suga’s shoulders relaxed a fraction, and he started to stifle a laugh behind his hand.

Asahi couldn’t help but smile. He made the right call - his best friend was going to be okay.

School was pretty crowded for a weekend. Even then, he felt like he was put under a microscope with how people stared at him. He quickened his pace, keeping his head down as he headed up the staircase. He looked behind him out of habit as he reached the doorway to the rooftop. He turned the knob and pushed it open as quietly as he could, a blast of wind greeting him as he did.

Nishinoya was here, just as Asahi expected. He was seated near the edge, staring out into the horizon. Asahi caught a glimpse of his expression and felt his heart break a little. It was small with the way his shoulders hunched inward, and sad in the way his mouth pulled downward. His eyes were far away, in a place Asahi didn’t know. He almost hesitated to break Nishinoya out of his trance. Almost.

“Nishinoya?”

Nishinoya whipped around, and Asahi had a mini-heart attack with how his legs extended towards the edge of the building. His expression was even sadder when directed at Asahi, but in a blink it was gone. In its place was his usual friendly smile.

“How’d it go?” He asked, tone bright and excited.

“What’s wrong?” Asahi asked instead.

“What’d you mean?”

“Just now - you were..” Asahi was pretty sure he didn’t just imagine it. “You looked a bit sad.”

“Sad? That was just my thinking face, Asahi-san. I’m fine.” Nishinoya folded his legs in and stood up. Asahi instinctively moved forward, a strange fear of the wind blowing too strong and taking Nishinoya with it gripping his heart. “You didn’t answer my question! How’d Daichi-san react?”

“He - it went fine,” Asahi replied absentmindedly. “Nishinoya, could you move -“

Nishinoya crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Just fine?”

Asahi shrugged as he moved towards Nishinoya, placing his hand on Nishinoya’s back and leading him away from the edge. “He was happy about it, I guess.”

“You guess? Asahi-san -“

“It went fine, Nishinoya. I gave him the ice cream, he said thank you, we talked a bit then I left. Why are you being so pushy about this?”

Nishinoya was stunned to silence. They both stopped in the middle of the rooftop, and Asahi had enough sense to take his hand away from Nishinoya’s back. The anxiety that had built up inside Asahi didn’t let up. If anything, it only seemed to grow with the lack of words between them.

Turning around to face Asahi, Nishinoya looked nothing but confused. “I just thought you’d want that. An opportunity to talk with Daichi-san, I mean. You want a chance with him, right?”

 _No,_ Asahi wanted to say, but he couldn’t. With a courage he couldn’t place, he slowly shook his head.

Nishinoya’s eyes widened in shock. “Shit I - I’m sorry! Did I make it awkward for you?”

“You didn’t! It’s not that. It’s something else.”

Nishinoya backed down. “Oh. Then what is it?”

This is not what Asahi had planned at all. He wasn’t ever supposed to have this conversation. But after seeing Suga and Daichi and the possibility of _something_ , right now he thought maybe he could have that too. He gazed at Nishinoya, at his gelled back hair, raised eyebrow, and patient expression. Was it really too much for him to hope?

“Nishinoya.” He could hear the shake in his voice, just as he felt it in his hands and shoulders. He took in a deep breath “I - I -“ He couldn’t bring himself to say the words. They were lodged up in his throat, along with his feelings that he tried so hard to push down for so long.

Nishinoya stared at him curiously, hints of anticipation dotted all over his face. “You…what, Asahi-san?”

Asahi curled his hands into fists at his sides. He couldn’t do this. All he could see was the sorry look Nishinoya would give him if he did. Or the loud mocking laugh he used when he was making fun of something. Honestly, Asahi didn’t know what would be worse. All roads seemed to end with some form of rejection.

He bit his lip, taking in a sharp breath. “Nothing, Nishinoya,” he resolved. He gave the best smile he could offer. “Do you wanna practice volleyball today?”

Nishinoya didn’t look convinced, if the worry on his brows was anything to go by. “I - sure, Asahi-san,” he said. “What were you going to tell me?”

Asahi forced himself to smile wider. “Nothing important,” he said in a casual tone. “I just have to get my literature books in my classroom, then we can go.”

“Okay.” Nishinoya gave Asahi one last wary look, before he made a beeline for his bag by the door. “Gotta get my chemistry notebook, too. Forgot it yesterday. Meet at my classroom?”

“We can just go together,” Asahi said, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulders. “I think your classmates are still afraid of me.”

This made Nishinoya chuckle. “They wouldn’t be if they found out you’re an actual marshmallow.”

“A marshmallow,” Asahi repeated.

“Marshmallows are great!” Nishinoya exclaimed. He disappeared through the door before Asahi could even think of a retort.

The bundle of nerves in Asahi’s stomach buzzed loudly. Now that he was alone, he let the smile on his face fall. He let out a loud whoosh, placing his hand on his chest and feeling his heart beating painfully hard against his chest.

“I like you,” Asahi whispered, the wind blowing past him and taking all his words with it. Nothing happened after. The sun still hid behind a crowd of clouds. The trees still rustled loudly. The loud murmur of voices continued below. Nothing changed. It should have brought Asahi some comfort, admitting it out loud, but it just made him feel like an idiot.

“Asahi-san! You coming or what?” He heard Nishinoya call from the bottom of the stairs.

Asahi slowly let out the breath lodged in his chest, hoping to find some calm again. Instead, he remained as agitated as ever, and extremely disappointed. At himself, at his lack of courage, at the situation the universe put him in.

“I’ll be right there!” Asahi called out. With one last round of inhale and exhale, he steeled himself and headed for the exit.

Looking back, this was the moment in his entire high school life that he regretted the most.

*

Things between shifted between Asahi and Nishinoya after that. Or…Asahi made the shift himself by pushing his feelings down even more. He tried his best to stay conscious of his actions, not to say or do anything that would make Nishinoya ask questions. And he asked _a lot_ when he caught wind of something amiss. _They were friends_ , _that’s all_ , he repeated to himself. That was already something special. He shouldn’t ask for anything more.

Nishinoya conversed with Kiyoko longer now, and more frequently. Asahi’s learned not to satiate his curiosity and kept his head down instead. He focused on his homework, his studies, anything really. It made Nishinoya seem so far away sometimes; but when he gravitated back towards Asahi and treated him like he always did, the ache in his chest eased a little.

It didn’t have any effect on their volleyball practices or study sessions. If anything, Nishinoya seemed more motivated than ever, constantly reviewing and asking millions of questions until he understood. Second years were due for a mock exam soon, and Asahi knew that Nishinoya wanted all his hard work to amount to something.

“Don’t overwork yourself,” Asahi reminded him gently one night as they poured over comparative literature.

“I have to get this right,” Nishinoya insisted, his tongue sticking out between his lips as he furiously wrote down his answers to one of the mock tests they bought. Asahi was sufficiently distracted for the rest of their time together.

What changed for the better and not as gradually as he thought it would, was Suga. Asahi would come out of his classroom during breaks and see Suga talking with Daichi outside his classroom. When anyone tried to divert their attention, either one would wave vaguely or give a polite smile, before turning back to each other. It filled Asahi’s heart to the brim.

“Asahi, this might actually head somewhere!” Suga said with a grin that could rival sunshine.

“I knew it would,” he’d tell Suga, which only made him glow brighter.

When the week of the mock tests arrived, Asahi didn’t see Nishinoya for days. They agreed to meet up after exams were over to let Nishinoya concentrate. Asahi didn’t mind, not until he walked out of his classroom on Monday and realized he didn’t know what to do with himself. He was so used to being with Nishinoya, to having his time occupied by his loud and bright voice and even brighter personality that he felt a bit lost.

So when Friday finally arrived, Asahi practically bolted out of his seat and power walked to Nishinoya’s classroom. Never mind the tiny fear he had of his classmates staring at Asahi. He could handle it. He could push through it just this once.

He was in so much of a hurry that he knocked heads with someone, spots appearing in his vision as he staggered back.

“Hey!” A familiar voice shouted. “Watch w - Asahi-san?”

“Tanaka, I’m so sorry!” Asahi said as he blinked away the spots. He winced when he pressed on the growing bruise on his forehead.

“No, it’s cool! I wasn't lookin’ at where I was goin’ anyway.” Tanaka pressed his forehead down with his palm. “Why you here anyway? Not that you can’t be. It’s just - third year, y’know?”

Asahi vaguely understood. “I was looking for Nishinoya, actually. Have you seen him?”

Tanaka froze. His expression shifted completely, going from ‘in pain' to apprehension. Dread started to curl up Asahi’s throat.

“Asahi-san,” Tanaka trudged carefully, his mouth in a grim line. “Nishinoya hasn't shown up.”

Asahi felt like the wind had been knocked out of him, along with his feelings of anticipation. The dread he felt spread like wildfire. “What?”

“He’s been absent the entire week,” Tanaka clarified, looking just as upset. “The teachers won't tell us anything, but I heard about a fight that went down two days ago. With that gang that always picks on Nishinoya.”

Asahi’s blood turned into ice in his veins. He was pretty sure he stopped breathing, too. “Okay,” he heard himself say. He turned back to Tanaka before he bolted down the hall. “Thanks Tanaka! I’ll see you!”

“Asahi-san! Where are you going!” He heard Tanaka call back, but he was already flying down the staircase.

Asahi got to Nishinoya’s house in record time, his heart beating so hard against his chest it made him feel like he was stuck inside a drum. He rested his hand against the Nishinoya nameplate, wheezing the air back into his lungs as he composed himself enough to ring the doorbell.

Nishinoya’s sister answered with a hand on her hip, so much like her older brother save for the butterfly clips in her hair. Asahi met her once before, and she was easily the most intimidating eleven year old he’s ever met.

She took one look at Asahi before saying, “I’ll go grab Yuu, the idiot.”

“Thank you,” Asahi exhaled, slowly standing upright.

“Please talk some sense into my brother. He needs it,” she said before heading back into the house. It didn’t help in easing the anxiety Asahi was starting to feel again after his run.

The moment Asahi saw Nishinoya’s face, he immediately stopped breathing. There were cuts and scrapes everywhere - on both his cheekbones, the corner of his lip, above his left eyebrow, above his chin. His right eye was half closed and black all around. He hobbled over to Asahi with a scowl on his face, stopping underneath the arc of the gate.

“What are you doing here?” Nishinoya asked, jaw tight and not looking at Asahi at all.

“Tanaka told me you weren’t at class at all this week,” Asahi said, his voice already beginning to shake. “Why?”

“’S none of your business,” Nishinoya murmured sharply.

“And you - you got into a fight?”

Nishinoya scowled. “They came looking for one.”

Asahi let out an exhale, needles piercing his skin. “But why?”

“It’s simple.” Nishinoya looked at Asahi, eyes cold and unrelenting. “They came to me. They were rude. I had to teach them a lesson.”

“You were alone?”

Nishinoya’s jaw tightened even more. “I handled it.”

Asahi could feel his hands shaking at his sides, and he closed them into fists before Nishinoya could see. He could feel his lip trembling, and he pressed them together hard enough to bruise. He didn’t know what to feel first - worry or disappointment.

“Nishinoya.” Asahi hated how weak he sounded then. Nishinoya turned his gaze back at him. “Why would you do this?”

Nishinoya gave an annoyed sigh. “I told you -“

“You’ve already come so far,” Asahi continued. “You said you wanted to fix up your life, to be better, but -“

“That was all bullshit.”

It felt like talking to the Nishinoya he met all those months ago, the one with the sneer and condescending laughter. Asahi tried to look for the Nishinoya he just saw last Sunday - the one who was kind, hardworking, and sweet underneath the image he used to project to the world. The one who always asked Asahi if he was okay. The one who made him feel a little braver, a little more stable on his feet.

Asahi could barely breathe through his nose, could barely think straight. “This isn’t who you are,” he said, his voice taking a sharper edge. “This isn’t you, Nishinoya. I know you.”

Nishinoya raised an eyebrow. “Do you? Then who am I, Asahi-san? If you really know me, what kind of a person am I?”

All the words swirled in his mind, ready for use, but he couldn’t bear to. There was no point to it. “Not the person I’m seeing right now. You’re better than this, you always were.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It _is_ an answer.”

“Why can't you just say what you really mean, Asahi-san?” Nishinoya exclaimed. “Why do you have to beat around the fucking bush - tell me what you really want to say!”

Asahi felt himself tense, putting up walls around himself. It was useless; he could still feel the sting of Nishinoya’s words. “I said what I had to say,” he said all too quietly.

“Just tell me. Tell me I’m a liar, a cheat, a good-for-nothing -“

“I don’t appreciate you berating yourself, Nishinoya.”

“Well, I don’t appreciate you being a shitty coward! All you do is hide, you’re wasting your life away being afraid just because you keep focusing on what could go wrong!”

“How did this become about me?”

“Because someone should tell you! God Asahi-san, it’s frustrating watching you not do _something_ with your life. You’re so content with mediocre things because you can’t tell the guy you like how you feel!”

That felt like a spear piercing his torso, twisting his insides and pulling everything out until he was nothing but a husk. If Nishinoya were playing darts, we would have hit the bullseye.

“I think I should go,” Asahi managed to say. “This conversation isn’t going anywhere.”

Nishinoya scoffed. “You just proved me right.”

Asahi gripped the strap of his bag, turning his back. “Goodbye, Nishinoya. Have a good holiday.” He made his way down the street, shoes stomping heavy against the pavement, anger driving him all the way home.

He hated the disappointment that settled in his stomach when Nishinoya didn’t follow.

*

Asahi’s frustration dissipated fast over the holidays, transforming into an undercurrent of uncertainty. Past all the harsh words, Nishinoya was right, wasn’t he? Asahi was a coward. He couldn’t muster up even a sliver of courage to correct Nishinoya on a lie Asahi himself weaved out of fear. He refused to even consider telling Nishinoya about the feelings he constantly hid away in the back of his closet.

Things weren’t right between them and Asahi hated it. He hated that he dialed Nishinoya’s phone number only to put it down after three rings. He hated that the volleyball court they went to was always empty. He had so many questions; but above all, he just wanted things to be okay again.

It was the last day of the year. He just got back home from the market, exhausted and happy to make it out alive. His mother was busy preparing their food for the evening and sent Asahi to collect some ingredients she missed. He was not prepared for the pre-New Year crowd.

Kimi greeted him at the door, paws pattering against the hardwood. She stopped and circled his legs excitedly, wagging her tail and looking up at him.

Asahi couldn’t help but smile. “Hey, girl. Give me a second.”

He toed off his shoes, dropped the ingredients in the kitchen, gave Kimi her dinner, and headed for his room. He lay down and buried his face in his pillow, groaning. He would have fallen asleep if not for the loud knock on his door. He groaned again.

“Yeah?” He called, turning his face towards the door.

Akio, his older brother, poked his head into his room. “You’re back and you’re still sulking?”

“I’m not sulking,” Asahi mumbled.

“If you say so,” he said with a shrug, pushing the door open. “Some guy was calling for you earlier. Uh, Nishiya…something.”

Asahi bolted out of bed. “Nishinoya?”

“Yeah him! He left a bunch of messages on the machine, which you should probably listen to before Nee-san comes home.”

He _really_ didn’t want his sister Asami listening in on his messages. Or his brother. Or anyone in his house. He rushed out of his room, leaving his brother behind.

“There’s a new recorder tape under the coffee table!” He called after Asahi. He’s never been more grateful for his brother.

Asahi quickly got the new tape for messages, and replaced the one currently in the answering machine. He brought the tape up to his room, ignoring his brother’s raised eyebrow and smug expression. He placed the tape into his radio, grateful for once of his decision to keep it instead of replacing it with a CD player. He didn’t have enough CDs anyway.

With his headphones in, Asahi shakily pressed play and waited. The sound of static filled his ears for a few seconds. “Asahi-san?” came Nishinoya’s voice. Asahi sucked in a breath. “Fuck I just - oh shit sorry! I’m not supposed to curse, your mom might be listening in. Or your sister. Shit.”Asahi couldn’t help but snort.

“Anyway! I’ll try to be good. I -“ His voice faltered then, and his voice lowered in volume when he spoke again. “I know I should be doing this face-to-face, and I will, but I didn’t know if you wanted to see me. And the quiet between us has been killing me.” There was a pause, and Asahi pressed the headphones against his ears.

Nishinoya sighed. “I’m sorry, Asahi-san. I was…a sh - I mean a jerk. I shouldn’t have said what I said and there’s no excuse for it. I said sh - things I didn’t mean and I just felt so angry and took it out on you. I’m really, really sorry. You were right about me throwing things away, and I’ll …I’ll work harder. I can promise you that. I won’t let you down again, Asahi-san. If you’ll give me another chance that is, and I understand if you won’t! You have every right to be mad at me for screwing up things. And you were -“

“No!” Asahi exclaimed at the sound of the end of the message. He waited for the tape to play the next track, leaning closer to the radio as he did.

“It’s Nishinoya again.” Asahi let out a sigh of relief. “Asahi’s friend, in case anyone from his family is listening. Which would be really embarrassing, but…not the worst thing I’ve done. Before I got cut off I just wanted to say you were right, Asahi-san. You do know me. You - you know parts of me that I’ve never let anyone see before. You…make me want to be better. They’re letting me take the exams, by the way, and I’ll show you everything you worked hard for didn’t go to waste.”

Asahi folded his knees and pulled them to his chest. He didn’t think that - it wasn’t about his effort, anyway. He was more concerned about Nishinoya more than anything else.

“One last thing, before the machine cuts me off again.” Nishinoya took in a breath. “You’re not a coward, Asahi-san. I just…felt like you should know. You’re actually, you’re one of the bravest people I’ve met. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Not even a punk like me. I’ll…I hope I’ll see you at school? I really hope I will. Bye, Asahi-san.”

The message ended and Asahi’s ears were filled with static again. He took out his headphones and settled it down on the table. For the first time since his break started, he could relax. He felt a little more like himself again - a little less lost, a little less worried.

“Is the sulk fest over?” Akio called from outside his door.

Asahi let out a groan. “Not sulking!”

The New Year arrived quietly as it always did in a small town, along with his birthday. His mother prepared a special breakfast for him, kissing him on top of his head and murmuring words which almost made him cry. His father, a man of few words, gave him one of his prized watches and a quiet smile, which _really_ made him cry. Asami and Akio both promised to treat him to his favourite ramen shop on two separate occasions; while he did look forward to it, their matching smiles unnerved him a little. There was definitely something at play that he knew nothing about, as usual.

“It’s for you little brother!” Asami called in a singsong voice later in the afternoon. It filled him with dread as he left the confines of his room.

“Who is it?” Asahi asked on his way down the stairs, keeping his tone neutral.

“Someone from your school,” Asami answered. “I don’t think I’ve ever met him before. He has this…fierce kind of expression.”

Asahi could feel his heart begin to race, and he donned his coat and scarf before stepping outside. When he told himself he wanted to see Nishinoya again, he didn’t think it was going to be so soon.

So when he saw the person waiting outside his gate, he got a little confused. “Tanaka?”

“Hey Asahi-san,” Tanaka greeted, a hand in the air. His other hand was behind his back. “Sorry to bother you like this.”

“It’s okay.” Asahi slowly closed the gate behind him. “You’re not bothering me. Did you need something?”

Tanaka immediately smiled and suddenly, there was a box wrapped in blue just a few inches from his nose. “Happy birthday!”

“O-Oh.” Asahi took the box away from his face, setting it down to a less eye-crossing distance. “I - thank you, Tanaka, I think? How did - ?”

“Oh, it’s not from me.” Tanaka smiled wider. “I don’t know what Noya’s been up to, but he really wanted to get this to you today.”

Asahi stilled, looking at the box again. It was horribly wrapped, if the crumples on the paper and the mounds of tape were anything to go by. On top of it was a small card with familiar, almost illegible handwriting.

‘ _Happy Birthday Asahi-san!!!!! Don’t let anyone forget it just because its the New Year!! -Nishinoya’_

“Do you know what it is?” Asahi asked, turning the box over to look for an opening. It was impossible - all seams were taped shut twice by duct tape.

“This might be easier.” Tanaka pulled out a cutter, which made Asahi jump back. Tanaka turned over the box and cut through the middle. “Oh wow, that’s a lot of stuff.”

“A…headband?” Asahi said, lifting up a thin white string. There was another note attached to it - ‘ _To keep your hair from flying into your face all the time!!!’_

“There should be more in there, I think.” Tanaka said.

There was a _lot_ more in the box. They were all small things - from a pack of treats for Kimi (‘ _Give her four for me!!’_ ), to the new tape of an artist Asahi recommended once (‘ _Let’s listen to it together!!’_ ), to chocolates they both liked (‘ _Don’t finish it all in one go!!!’_ ). Asahi felt his smile grow with each item. He didn’t even realize Nishinoya was paying attention to him so closely.

The last item was in an envelope, thankfully not sealed with tape this time. Asahi slipped his finger through a gap and gently tore the envelope open. Inside were two tickets printed against yellow board, with three familiar logos printed on it. His eyes widened when he read the text.

_Japan V. League Presents:_

_NEC Blue Rockets v Suntory Sunbirds_

_1st Elimination Round_

_1997 February 12, 7:00 PM_

“This…can’t be what I think it is,” Asahi managed to say, despite the evidence in his hands.

Tanaka leaned closer. “Let me s - holy shit. These are sold out! Why didn’t he tell me he was getting these!”

Asahi placed his other hand on his mouth, which had gone slack at some point. “I can’t accept this.”

“Tch! Do you think he’ll let you give it back?” Tanaka asked, brow arched halfway up his forehead.

Asahi deflated. “Isn’t it too much for me to accept? All his other gifts were fine. He didn’t have to do this for me.”

“No one ever _has_ to give gifts like that, Asahi-san,” Tanaka said, “but Noya wanted to. He doesn’t really half-ass things.”

Asahi stared at the ticket again. He remembered their first volleyball practice, how loud and closed-off Nishinoya was then. He thought about Nishinoya now, who still said what was on top of his head at a volume five notches higher than normal. Who could make anyone feel good about themselves by stating the truth in the most simple yet profound way.

“No,” Asahi said. “He doesn’t. But I’m still not sure if I should accept this.”

Tanaka shook his head, almost fond. “Well! You can take it up with him when school starts. I’m sure he’d love to hear all about it.”

“Little brother!” Asami called from inside the house. Asahi turned to see her by the door, already wearing her coat. “We’re leaving for the temple in ten minutes! You better get dressed!”

Asahi turned back to Tanaka with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I have to go.”

“It’s okay!” Tanaka said, placing his hands in his pockets. “I gotta get going anyway. Enjoy the rest of your birthday, Asahi-san!”

“Thanks - and thank you for bringing this to me.” Asahi lifted the open box, it’s contents in a disarray. “I’ll see you on Monday!”

“No problem! Don’t forget to thank Noya!”

Asahi waved to Tanaka as he walked down the street and until he turned at the corner. Asahi looked at his surroundings, checking if he was really alone, before he looked at the pair of tickets and let out a not so silent ‘Yes!’. He placed the tickets back into the box and grinned down at its contents. It was an odd mix of things, but it was thoughtful and a very Nishinoya thing to do.

As he re-entered his house, he could feel something settle into his stomach. The feeling only grew when he got to the temple, spreading up to his chest and to his arms. He felt light, but also solid and very much alive. When he clapped his hands together and bowed his head, it felt like he could do anything.

Still, Asahi closed his eyes and prayed. He needed all the strength and courage for what he was about to do.

*

“I’m going to tell him,” was the first thing Asahi said on his first day back.

Suga gasped loudly, grabbing onto the arm of the person next to him. Who just so happened to be Daichi. Several people in the hall gave them a curious or annoyed glance.

“Tell who?” Suga asked in a tiny but very excited voice.

Asahi felt all the heat rush to his cheeks. “Don’t make me say it,” he said, feeling eyes on him. “You know who it is.”

“You better not be joking me. Don’t do this to me, Asahi.”

“Who are you telling?” Daichi asked, looking between Suga and Asahi. “Is this about Nishinoya?”

Asahi turned to Daichi. “You knew?”

“It - It was just a suspicion!” Daichi clarified immediately. Suga looked impressed beside him. “I just…put two and two together. Sorry, was I not supposed to know?”

Asahi quickly found that he didn’t mind. Daichi was quickly becoming a regular presence, and Asahi found that he actually liked his company. While Suga was enthusiastic and mischievous, Daichi was calm and collected. Well…he tried to at least. He seemed to lose all that cool with Suga, turning into a stuttering mess instead of the composed student everyone knew him to be. Otherwise he was just as much of a teenager as Asahi and Suga were, easily fitting in with their antics and their stories like he was there from the beginning.

So it was okay that Daichi knew. As for the part about Asahi pretending to like Daichi, well…maybe he could get to that later.

“Well…not really.” Asahi let out a nervous laugh. “But it’s okay now! Just maybe...keep it between us three?”

Daichi settled back against the walls of the hallway, a relieved smile on his face. “I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry. Though I think you should start getting ready.”

“What are you talking about -“

“Nishinoya’s here!” Suga whispered sharply in his ear, grabbing Asahi by the shoulders and spinning him around.

Asahi blinked several times to reorient himself, and saw Nishinoya walking down the hall through his momentary dizziness. He should have been scared, knowing him and knowing what happened the last time they saw each other. Instead, Asahi felt relief and determination wash over him like a wave gently lapping against the shore.

He felt a heavy hand rest against his shoulder, and he looked over his shoulder to see Daichi. “Good luck.”

Suga reached out to squeeze Asahi’s arm. “I believe in you,” he said earnestly, giving Asahi a reassuring smile. “It’ll go great!”

“I’ll tell you both how it goes,” Asahi promised, earning a matching pair of smiles and nods. He was buzzing with anticipation, but for once, he could control it. This was Nishinoya. It was going to be okay.

“Nishinoya!” He called. When Nishinoya turned his head in his direction, he gave a wave and slowly approached him. “Why are you here?”

“I came here to see -“ Nishinoya cut himself off. He looked at Asahi, eyes assessing him cautiously. “That’s...you got my birthday gifts?”

Asahi’s fingers brushed the headband. It took him ten minutes to get it to sit right on his hair, but it was worth it. “I did.”

“You’re not mad at me anymore?”

“No! No, I - I wasn’t ever really mad.” Nishinoya raised his eyebrow at him. “Okay I was a little…at the beginning. But then I thought things through, and then I got your messages last week. Everything’s okay.”

Nishinoya let out a breath. Most of the nervous energy in his shoulders eased. “Yeah?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Asahi responded. He proceeded to do something he never would have done on any normal day - he took Nishinoya's hand in his. “Will you come with me to the rooftop? I have to tell you something.”

Nishinoya stared at Asahi in shock. He looked at their joined hands like if he didn’t pay attention, it’d grow an extra limb. “Tell me what?”

“It’s...something good, I hope.”

“You hope?” Nishinoya echoed with a chuckle.

Asahi hummed. “I’m being optimistic.”

The corners of Nishinoya’s mouth quirked up. “Well, okay. Lead the way then, Asahi-san.”

Asahi ignored the knowing stares Suga and Daichi gave him on the way down the hall. He ignored the stares of his classmates for once. He didn’t hear their words, didn’t bother to see what expressions they had on their faces. It didn’t matter at that moment, because he was so sure about this. It was going to be okay. For once, things were going to work out for him.

Asahi shivered a little when they reached the rooftop - maybe it wasn't the best idea considering the weather. He regretted leaving his blazer draped over his chair in his classroom, but it was too late for that now. He let go of Nishinoya’s hand when they reached their usual spot, and turned to face him.

“Thank you for your gifts, by the way.” Asahi said.

Nishinoya looked up at Asahi in surprise. It seemed that his mind had been elsewhere. “Oh, that? It was nothing. Did you like it all?”

“I did. Kimi really liked her treats, but as for everything else…” Asahi felt himself smile, unabashed and unafraid. “It made me really happy.”

The remaining tension in Nishinoya faded. He gazed at Asahi softly. “I’m really glad to hear that, Asahi-san.”

Asahi could only grin in return. His heart thudded wildly in his chest, and he felt close to invincible. He could do this. He could really do this.

“You’re still smiling,” Nishinoya remarked.

Asahi felt his face heat up from the attention. “I have something to smile about.”

“Do you?”

Asahi nodded fervently. He took one last inhale. “I’m having a late birthday dinner tonight,” he began, “and I’d - I’d really like it if you came. Suga’s coming, even Daichi. You can bring Tanaka, too. It’s no problem.”

Nishinoya turned to stone. His smile faded. “Tonight?”

“Yeah. Though if you’re busy, it’s okay. I -”

“No!” Nishinoya exclaimed, grabbing Asahi’s hand. “I want to go! I really, really do.”

Asahi would have smiled at that, but Nishinoya looked torn. “Why do you look upset?”

Nishinoya pressed his lips together and ran his hands through his hair. He looked like he was about to cry. “It’s...complicated.”

“Oh.” Whatever confidence and adrenaline Asahi was running on left him in an instant. He pulled his hand away from Nishinoya. “You have other plans.”

Nishinoya looked at Asahi with a face full of regret, and that was all the answer Asahi needed. He fought to put a smile on his face, and he hated the prickling feeling behind his eyes.

“That’s - That’s okay,” he said, voice surprisingly even. “If you have time though, you can catch up.”

This wasn’t what Nishinoya wanted to hear at all. “Asahi-san -”

“Really, it’s okay, Nishinoya.”

“What was the other thing you were going to tell me?” Nishinoya pressed instead.

Asahi wasn’t sure if he had enough drive to tell Nishinoya now. His mouth made the decision for him, because he started talking before he realized what he was saying. “It’s about Daichi.” Nishinoya froze again. “He…and I. We’re -”

“Nishinoya-kun?”

Asahi and Nishinoya turned at the same time. Kiyoko stood a few feet behind them. She had her hands clasped in front of her, and watched them warily.

“Shimizu,” Asahi said, feeling his stomach sink.

“Kiyoko-san,” Nishinoya said.

Kiyoko smiled apologetically. “Azumane, I’m so sorry to interrupt,” she said. “I just wanted to know what time I’d be meeting Nishinoya tonight? I forgot to ask the other week.”

Sirens blared in Asahi’s head. “Meeting for what?” He found himself asking.

“She agreed to go on a date with me.” Nishinoya said in one breath.

It took full two minutes for the words to sink in. When they did, Asahi felt nothing at all and everything at once. It was like someone tied him to a boulder and threw it out into the sea, taking him down to the depths. The pieces slowly clicked in his mind, and the image it presented burned bright and blazingly obvious.

Asahi took in a breath, and with a considerable amount of strength, gave Nishinoya a smile. “Is that why you were on the third floor?”

Nishinoya frowned even more. “Well yeah, but -“

Asahi smiled even wider, even when it felt like it was tearing his face apart. “You should’ve told me. I wouldn’t have kept you away.”

“Oh no, it’s quite all right, Azumane,” Kiyoko interrupted. She looked even more embarrassed now, like she walked into a room on fire. “I had to meet with a teacher. Do you…want me to go?” She looked between him and Nishinoya. “It seems you and Nishinoya -“

“- are done talking,” Asahi completed. “Please, it’s okay. I’ll leave you two. I - I need to get going anyway.”

He stepped back from them slowly, giving Nishinoya a reassuring smile before turning his back. He could feel his breaths turn heavier as the weight of everything began to sink in.

“You can come with us!” Nishinoya exclaimed when Asahi was a few feet to the rooftop entrance.

Asahi stopped, the tap of his foot against the floor echoing all around the rooftop. His lip wobbled dangerously, and he bit down until it bled. He took in deep breaths, but it all sounded like wheezing. He just wanted to be alone.

“Asahi-san.” Nishinoya tried again. It only sounded cruel to Asahi’s ears; it made him want to run away. He took in a sharp breath; when he turned, he was smiling again.

“It’s fine, Nishinoya,” he said. “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Asahi quickened his pace, running out of the rooftop and down the stairs despite Nishinoya’s calls. He heard the bell ring throughout the halls, but it went over his head. He felt his feelings catching up with him, hitting him at the force of an oncoming train he neglected to see.

He stumbled the boys restroom. There was one other person, who quickly rushed out as soon as Asahi made his way in. He could barely close the lock on the first empty stall with the way his hands shook. When it finally did, he had to clamp his hand over his mouth as a sob wracked through him. He closed his mouth shut, tensing the muscles in his jaw so he wouldn’t make a sound. The image of Nishinoya and Kiyoko came to his mind again.

Asahi should have known things would end up this way.

*

The thing is - and he should have realized it earlier - Asahi didn’t stand a chance.

The world was divided into two factions: the ones who kept their first loves and the ones who didn’t. The truth was simple, clean cut, and straight-to-the-point. It was fair...except that Asahi belonged to the second half.

It was too much for him to hope, in the end. He shouldn’t have strayed too far from reality; he shouldn’t have grasped at that shimmer of hope when all signs pointed to the other direction. The reality is that Asahi didn’t stand a chance against the Shimizu Kiyoko’s of this world. When the apple of your eye was a whirlwind like Nishinoya Yuu…well.

Asahi was better off when he was in denial.

Suga and Daichi knew what happened the minute they cornered Asahi at dismissal. If his bloodshot eyes didn’t send the message, his silence definitely hit the nail on its head. They didn’t pester him after that. Instead, they quietly told him about their day, regaling him with the story of how their vice principal’s wig flew off his head during a visit to 3-7. Asahi only managed a tired ‘that’s nice’ in return.

Nishinoya didn’t look for him. Asahi didn’t bother to try.

The next few days were subdued, Asahi’s mind neither here nor there. He could look at the front of the classroom, see the characters and numbers on the board but not really process them. He could hear his teacher’s voice droning on without really hearing each word. He just couldn’t seem to concentrate no matter how hard he tried.

“Let’s eat outside for a change,” Suga tried to coax him once lunchtime came around. Asahi’s mind flew to the rooftop, and he quickly excused himself.

Asahi managed to dodge clusters of students without giving his full attention. It was a feat that would have amazed him on a good day. He tuned in to their conversations for a change, trying to get away from the wrung out thought processes in his own mind.

“You promised me okonomiyaki bread last week!”

“I said I’d buy it for you after school, didn’t I?”

“Can I borrow your notes in Physics again?”

“You might lose them again…”

“…He cancelled on you?”

“He did. Though I can hazard a guess why.”

“Still! You’d think after all that effort, someone like Nishinoya Yuu would’ve at least said why.”

Asahi slowed to a stop. He turned his head as subtly as he could. Kiyoko stood by the doorway of 3-2, along with another third year he didn’t recognize.

“I don’t feel too badly about it,” Kiyoko said. She looked more apologetic than disappointed, and even a little worried. “I do wish he just told me he was moving abroad. I wouldn’t have put it against him.”

“You shouldn’t have expected so much from a guy who still buys soda ice cream.”

Asahi’s mind went blank. After a minute, he fell headfirst into a raging whirlwind of emotions. It didn’t give him time to feel one or two. Just everything all at once, overloading his senses. Before he knew it, he was speeding down the hall and down the stairs, skipping two at a time. He must have bumped into three different people including a teacher on the way down, which he was definitely going to get in trouble for later.

Class 2-3 quieted down when Asahi appeared by the doorway. Nishinoya’s seat, which was smack in the middle of the room, was empty. No mess of notebooks, no wrappers of candy or ice cream tucked in corners, not even a bag. He wracked his brain for the next place and bolted.

The faculty room was devoid of students, but Asahi did get reprimanded for running in the halls. Nishinoya wasn’t at ice cream freezer at the cafeteria or the swimming pool bleachers. Asahi just kept running and running, his breath getting heavier each time. It kept him from thinking of the worst, of the implications of what he heard.

Someone was at the rooftop. Asahi skidded to a stop, his footsteps like heavy drum beats, and he felt his heart sink. He barely had time to catch his breath before he asked, “Where is he?”

Tanaka, who turned the moment Asahi banged the door open, sighed heavily. He looked at Asahi like he was about to deliver a death sentence. “You heard?”

“Where is he?” Asahi repeated, almost begged. “He’s not gone. He can’t - he can’t be.”

“He’s gone,” Tanaka said. His voice sounded just as tired and hurt as Asahi felt. “If it helps, I only found out this morning. I’m supposed to be that asshole’s best friend and he didn’t bother to meet me and say, ‘Oh hey, Ryuu. I’m moving to America for good. Have a nice life!’. All I got was a stupid note.”

Something close to guilt sank in Asahi’s stomach. Right. He wasn’t the only one who cared about Nishinoya. “I’m so sorry.”

Tanaka shook his head solemnly. “I feel worse for you. I heard what happened.” Asahi flinched. “He was pretty fucking stupid for doing that, knowing how he felt about you.”

Asahi felt like he’d been punched. Or dropped out of the whirlwind of emotions he’d been stuck in. “What?”

“Look, he never admitted it to me because Noya can be stubborn like that. But I know that guy like the back of my hand.” Tanaka paused, watching Asahi carefully. After a few seconds, his expression turned grave. “Asahi-san, you had to at least sense that Nishinoya was in love with you.”

The words registered in Asahi’s mind, but it sounded like a language he’s never heard before. It bounced off him like rain off an umbrella. Nishinoya…in love with _him_?

“You’ve - you’ve got to…“ Asahi shook his head, stepping back. “That’s impossible.”

Tanaka’s expression said otherwise. “Not as impossible as you think,” he said.

"But...what about Shimizu?"

"Oh, that." Tanaka shook his head. "I mean, _everyone_ is kind of in love with Shimizu. Noya just played it up to hide his real feelings."

Asahi needed to sit down. This was all too much. "I don't believe you."

Tanaka sighed. “Fine. Then how about this - you remember that fight he got into last year?”

That seemed so far away, like it happened two years ago instead of last month. “What about it?”

“I went after one of the guys,” Tanaka said. “I’m fine by the way, no worries. I was just...so pissed at them for messing Noya up, you know?”

“He said they came looking for a fight.”

“They were. They always do.” Tanaka’s shoes scraped against the ground. He looked up at the sky, angry and sad. “The fight was...about you, Asahi-san.”

“What...me?”

Tanaka looked back at Asahi and nodded solemnly. “They were pretty pissed from the last time, and they hate being humiliated. They were following you around. Gonna use you against Noya to get revenge. Noya found out pretty early on, but he didn’t tell anyone.”

This left a sour taste in Asahi’s mouth. He felt close to throwing up. “So he went after them by himself?”

“They _made_ him go alone. Either way, he wouldn’t have let anyone get hurt because of his problems. Which is…” Tanaka exhaled sharply. “It’s just like him, ain’t it?”

It _was_ just like Nishinoya. So much so that Asahi didn’t know what to feel anymore. “He didn’t have to do that. For anyone.”

Tanaka shook his head. “He would have done anything to keep his friends safe. What more for you?”

The dark gray clouds moved sluggishly overhead, just as the bell rang to signal the end of lunch. It sounded more daunting and dark than it usually did, made worse by the bite from the cold wind that gusted through the rooftop. In the distance, Asahi could hear faint voices and the shuffling of feet as the students crowded back into their classrooms.

“We should -“ Asahi stopped when his voice cracked right in the middle. Impossible. _Impossible._ He tried again. “We should get going.”

“Hold on a sec.” Tanaka reached into his pocket, pulling out a cassette tape. It was enclosed it a clear case with a messily written label in the middle - ‘For Asahi’. “He also wanted you to have this.”

Asahi gingerly took the tape. He turned it over in his hands. “What’s in it?”

“I don’t know,” Tanaka said. “But I hope it gives you some answers, at least. Make things clearer for you.” He gave Asahi a pained smile. “Don’t be a stranger, Asahi-san. I’ll see you around.”

The temperature on the rooftop dropped when Tanaka left. If Asahi felt overwhelmed just a while ago, he felt nothing now. Like Tanaka’s revelation sucked all the emotions plaguing him until he was nothing but an empty shell of a person.

He lifted the tape in his hand to eye level. He noted how his hand shook precariously in the air, and he tightened his grip. Just a plain black tape. It reminded him so much of the answering machine recording, but he knew it wouldn’t hold the same message.

When Asahi returned to his classroom, did the only thing that felt logical at the moment - he stuffed the tape at the bottom of his bag, under his books and notebooks where he wouldn’t see, and turned his attention forward.

*

After that incident, Asahi’s life went back to the way it was before.

He went to school, sat in his classes, had lunch with his friends, walked home alone. When he got home, he did his homework until his eyes burned, had dinner, repeated the process. He watched the seasons change from his seat next to the window. His eyes followed the heavy clouds until they turned light and white, until the blue in the sky started to appear again. He felt the chill against his skin less and less, until it turned into something more pleasant and less biting.

It all felt unbearably, exceedingly normal. Just what he wished for so long ago. It also felt like he was dragging his feet with every step he took, but he ignored it. He was good at that.

Daichi joined in with Asahi’s lunches with Suga. They both did horrible jobs of giving him worried glances when they thought he wasn’t looking. He did his best to ignore it, to seem as normal as possible, but he couldn’t bear to brush them off with any version of ‘I’m fine’. He wasn’t fine, but he was going to pretend to be.

The three of them studied everyday after school, mostly for the final exams that began to loom over them the more each day went by. Sometimes, Tanaka would join them, and everyone would take turns to tutor him on something he didn’t understand. Sometimes, he was just there for the company, and not one of them seemed to mind. To Asahi especially, it felt like a huge comfort.

The premier league tickets almost remained unused. Almost. That is until Asahi couldn’t handle the guilt, and gave it to Suga and Daichi instead. It would serve them better. Besides, he wasn’t sure he could watch a volleyball game without feeling sick.

Sometimes, Asahi’s mind liked to play tricks on him. He’d hear loud, boisterous laughter when he lined up to buy a snack at the convenience store. He’d see a familiar set of shoulders and popped up collar. Even with Nishinoya gone, Asahi saw bits and pieces of him everywhere. He’d see it in strangers, in his friends, and sometimes, in himself.

It’d happen a lot when he was in the park on Saturdays, practicing serves until his shirt was soaked and his muscles felt like they’d fall off. He’d toss the ball in the air, watching as it hovered momentarily in the sky, and run up to meet it. The light would flash in his eyes and for a second, he swore he almost saw a pair of fierce eyes, a head of gelled hair, and a smirk of a smile beyond the net. Only when the ball would hit the other side of the court would the image break before his eyes.

Maybe this was just the way things were. People would come into your lives like a comet, blazing and burning bright, giving off warmth and light and life, before disappearing into the dark starlit sky.

Graduation finally arrived, to everyone’s relief. Everything passed Asahi by in rapid succession - leaving Suga and Daichi as he made his way to the front of the line, the way his heartbeat thudded in his ears as he marched, the drone of the vice principal’s voice that lulled half his classmates to sleep, his palms dripping with sweat as he received his diploma.

By the time the auditorium thundered with applause, Asahi found himself smiling a little. It quickly fell from his face when other boys started giving out their second buttons. He forgot all about that. He felt his shoulders slump as a result.

Someone grabbed him roughly, circling their arm around his neck and pushing him down to their level. “We did it!” Suga’s voice shouted in his ear.

“We’re done!” Daichi shouted in his other ear, wrapping his arm around Asahi’s shoulder.

Asahi felt like he was being mauled by bears. How were his friends so _heavy_? “Guys, what -“

“You’re not allowed to mope today, Asahi. It’s our graduation!” Suga cut him off, steering him away from the button-giving crowd.

“I wasn’t moping!”

“You might have been moping a little,” Daichi admitted.

“Thanks, Daichi,” Asahi said in a deadpan voice.

“He’s just being honest.” Suga stopped walking, and Asahi noticed that he pulled Asahi to a quieter part of the auditorium. Well, as quiet as a post-graduation ceremony could be, anyway. Daichi unstuck himself from Asahi’s shoulder, but Suga only moved to adjust his hold.

“You okay?” Daichi asked.

Asahi did feel better, he had to admit. Without the press of people around him, he felt like he could breathe again. “Yeah. Thanks.” He sent Suga and Daichi a grateful smile.

“You miss him.” Suga said instead.

Asahi was surprised he didn’t flinch. “I do,” he admitted.

Suga’s expression softened, and the arm wrapped around his shoulder tightened. “It’s not wrong to miss him, you know. I miss him, too.”

Asahi’s mind flew to Tanaka, and the defeated expression on his face at the rooftop. He forgot that he wasn’t the only person whose life Nishinoya affected. He looked to Suga and Daichi, his friends, and sighed deeply.

“I really, really miss him.” It felt like a ball of nerves finally untangled itself in his chest. He felt better admitting it out loud. “I just…wish I had more time. I have so many questions.”

Suga and Daichi exchanged a multitude of looks, all too fast for Asahi to catch.

“Give us a second?” Suga asked Daichi at the end of their silent conversation. Daichi gave Asahi’s arm a squeeze, and with one last reassuring smile, said he was going to find his parents.

Suga motioned his head to the door, and they went outside. The petals from the cherry blossom trees in the courtyard flew with the wind, dotting their surroundings with pink. Suga unslung himself from Asahi’s shoulder and stood in front of him.

“You haven’t listened to that tape Tanaka gave, haven’t you?”

Asahi stiffened. “No.”

“Listen to it, “ Suga said. He stared at Asahi right in the eyes to let him know he was being serious. “The tape might not even give you closure. It can answer all your questions or none of it.”

“I’m seeing why I should listen to this tape less and less,” Asahi confessed, voice wary.

Suga gave him a patient smile. “Because it was from Nishinoya,” he said simply. “Whether you want to accept it or not, he cared about you and you cared about him. Both of you changed because of that - you’re not the same person you were last year, Asahi.”

Asahi didn’t feel too different. Maybe he spoke a little louder, a little clearer. Maybe he didn’t allow his self-doubt to bother him and keep him from doing things he liked. Maybe he didn’t slump as much anymore. All these things he barely noticed - he was too busy allowing for change that he didn’t see it in himself. But did it really matter that much?

“Maybe,” Asahi allowed. Suga grinned at this. He felt the corners of his mouth twitch - he would have flat out opposed that last year. “I’ll listen to it tonight.”

“And then we move forward,” Suga resolved. He reached out and patted Asahi’s arm. “You don’t have to forget. No one has to forget. All those memories are yours to keep.”

“I don’t know if I could ever forget him.”

Suga snorted. “That’s kinda cheesy, Asahi.”

Asahi’s eyes drifted to the front of Suga’s blazer. “I don’t think I’m the only one.”

Suga followed the direction of Asahi’s gaze. He looked at the missing button of his blazer, and smiled wide despite the pink colouring his cheeks. “ _Fine_. I guess I’m kinda cheesy, too.”

“Did you give it to him yet?”

“I was planning to, on the way home.” Suga peered over Asahi’s shoulder, to the doors of the auditorium. “Wish me luck?”

“You won’t need it,” Asahi assured him, “but good luck.”

Suga pulled Asahi into an embrace, cracking a rib or two in the process. “Listen to the tape, but before that, enjoy today. We only get to graduate once!”

Asahi wanted to tell Suga that he had two graduations and about eight more years of education left to endure, while Asahi had none. He opted not to in favour of hugging his best friend back. “Okay, Suga. I’ll try.”

“That’s all we can hope for,” Suga said, pulling back. “We sound so grown-up, talking like this. Don’t you think?”

“Not sure. I don’t feel grown-up.” Asahi caught sight of Daichi in the midst of the crowd inside the gymnasium. He gave him a wave. “And I think you should go.”

Suga turned around, his face paling a bit. “I’ll call if I get a boyfriend at the end of the day.” He squeezed Asahi’s arm one last time, before heading back inside.

A single pink petal fell on his bangs, making Asahi a bit cross-eyed. He plucked it out of his hair. He felt better, even if it was by no means close to okay. Standing here in the courtyard, he felt like a crow ready to spread his wings, about to take flight. The others have flown ahead of him, but he felt ready. He wasn’t afraid to leave the past behind.

There was a later, a tomorrow. While its horizon didn’t stretch as far or as wide as Asahi would have liked, it still existed. He just had to go out and reach for it.

He just wasn’t sure if he could.

*

Asahi dilly dallied for a good hour, pacing the length of his room before he could so much as _think_ of listening to Nishinoya’s tape. Whatever momentary optimism gripped him after his graduation ceremony fizzled away like carbon dioxide in a shaken can of soda. Old habits died hard, he supposed. It was a work in progress.

“Little brother,” Akio chimed in at the thirty minute mark, in a sugarcoated imitation of their sister, “ _dearest_ , if you don’t stop pacing, I’ll tell Asami about the tape. Or about the birthday gift you got. I have an exam that’s worth a third of my grade tomorrow.”

“Sorry,” Asahi said, after which he tried to pace as quietly as possible.

He stared at his radio, the tape labelled with his name enclosed inside the cassette deck. He didn’t know why he was so afraid, why he couldn’t bring himself to sit down to press play. He’s spent several cloudy nights laying awake in an internal debate of the ‘what-ifs’. Now that he had the answers, he had half a mind to dunk the tape in a bucket of water.

Asahi finally stopped pacing. Before he could think to regret it, he flew to his radio, plugged in his headphones, and pressed the play button so hard his finger burned afterwards. The static that filled his ears did nothing to quell the unease in him, but he waited.

“Hey, Asahi-san,” Nishinoya said. Asahi clutched at his chest through his shirt. It was almost amazing how easily his body froze up before settling into warmth again at the sound of Nishinoya’s voice.

“So…if you’re listening to this, I guess I went with Plan B and decided to leave like a coward.” Nishinoya let out a dry laugh. “I know it’s - it’s horrible and I’m already sorry for it, even if sorry doesn’t really do much to make it better.”

Asahi wrinkled his nose in silent agreement. “But at least things are the way we wanted them to be, right? I might actually have a chance with Kiyoko-san and you’re well on your way to Daichi-san. That’s one promise fulfilled, at least.” Nishinoya’s voice filtered off to a whisper, and sounded more dejected than Asahi's ever heard. “I…probably shouldn’t be saying this, but I’ve got nothing to lose at this point. If you’re still listening. I mean, I hope you are.”

Nishinoya sighed deeply, and Asahi felt it all the way in his own chest. As if Nishinoya were right in front of him, sitting in his room, and not separated from him by distance and time. Asahi could picture Nishinoya sitting on the stool an arm’s length away from him. Nishinoya probably had one of those handheld tape recorders. He might have even recorded it at the park where they played volleyball, knowing him.

“Asahi-san,” Nishinoya said, bringing Asahi’s attention back. The tone of his voice had drifted back to the strong and serious tone he had at the beginning.

“You may be a lot of things. You may be softer than a bunny’s tail, or not as good at jump serves as you should be with the height and power you have -“ Asahi couldn’t help but snort “-and you might even like someone else, but…” Nishinoya paused for so long Asahi was afraid the recording had ended.

“But you’re also kind and sweet,” Nishinoya continued. “You notice the tiny things about everyone, things they didn’t even know about themselves. You’re thoughtful, and - and you’re a lot braver than you will _ever_ give yourself credit for. So it really shouldn’t surprise anyone that I -” His voice wavered. “That I...really, really like you.”

The air around Asahi grew still. He didn’t realize the headphones slipping from his head until he had to scramble to put it back on. Tanaka's words echoed back in his mind, ringing loud and true with Nishinoya’s confession.

Nishinoya laughed suddenly. “When you gave me that letter, I just…I mean, what kind of a person _apologizes_ for giving out a chain letter? It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever received in my life.” Asahi sank in his chair from embarrassment as a result.

“I just _had_ to get to know you,” Nishinoya said. “And I know I made things difficult for you at the start. I was probably too mean or too loud, but you still wanted to see me anyway. You still wanted to be my friend, and I -“ He exhaled shakily “- and well…even if you don’t feel the same, I felt you had to know that there was one person out there whose life you changed forever. I can only hope I made some impact on yours.”

There was a long pause again. “If you’ve gotten this far listening to the tape…wow. You really are just as nice as I know you to be. I hope you don’t forget me Asahi-san, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I won’t forget you. Even if we’re an ocean apart by the time you’re listening to this, wherever you end up in life, I hope you still remember me. Even if I’m just that little punk with the gelled up hair who kept asking you to buy soda ice cream.”

Asahi let out a laugh despite everything. His vision had blurred, and his face felt wet. He didn’t know at what point he’d started crying, and he couldn’t stop.

“So this is goodbye…for now at least,” Nishinoya said. “I’m happy to have met you, Azumane Asahi. Thank you. Thank you for being my friend, for putting up with me, for believing in me when I stopped believing in myself. I wish - I _really_ wish that I made you believe in yourself, too.”

The recording slowed to a stop, the click that signaled the end of recording ringing in Asahi’s ears. He let out a breath that seemed to shake every part of him. With a loud sniffle, he wiped the tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. His hands trembled as they hovered above the radio, while the weight in his chest still as heavy as it was before. His mind was abuzz, but it wasn’t too loud that it felt like a tidal wave.

Somewhere in the distance, a door closed with a heaviness that could only be described as final.

Asahi opened the cassette feed slowly. He pulled out the tape and held it in his hands, examining it. Something that should have been so ordinary now held the weight of meaning. He read the label, hearing his name in Nishinoya’s voice. He brushed his thumb over Nishinoya's handwriting and felt tears forming in his eyes all over again.

He wondered how it was possible to feel both inexplicably happy and sad at once.


	4. Chapter 4

Asahi never saw or heard from Nishinoya Yuu after high school.

In the age before social media, there was no way of contacting someone once they left. Nishinoya left no address, no number to call, and it was before Asahi had an email. There was no way of reaching out, of talking to Nishinoya, of making sure he was okay. Living in a small town did Asahi no favours. As far as the times were concerned, once someone left your sight, they were gone forever.

It was something Asahi had to come to accept. He’s been through it all, passed through the rooms filled with fear and loneliness and anxiety of wishing he knew where Nishinoya was, wondering if he was okay. If he still got into fights. If he finished high school. If he finally decided to join a volleyball team. Asahi was far beyond feeling how unfair it was that he couldn’t keep Nishinoya in his life. He stopped getting angry at how the fates drew lots for how his life would go.

Now Asahi looked back at his first love with fondness. It reminded him of a time that he believed in himself the most, and had someone in his life who saw the kind of person he wanted to be, the person he _could_ be if he tried. In a world where people started to care less and less, there was Nishinoya Yuu, who fiercely and shamelessly let a doubtful Asahi know that he was worth more than he allowed himself to think.

And nine years later, as Asahi pressed stop on his barely-functioning walkman, Asahi discovered that Nishinoya was still reminding him of this very thing.

*

Asahi gingerly entered the brightly-lit gymnasium, feeling very much like an ant with a spotlight hanging above him. He reminded himself that it wasn’t the case, that he was just feeling self-conscious. It was the height. It was _always_ the height, ever since he took the long hair out of the equation.

It would have helped if Asahi didn’t come in during warm-ups. The team in their blazing red and orange uniforms paid him no mind as they stretched, but he wasn’t so lucky with the photographers and reporters. He ducked and stayed by the sides, heading towards the bleachers as his eyes quickly scanned the crowd. He felt a twinge of nervousness when he couldn’t find who he was looking for, and he pulled out his cellphone to check his messages.

“ _There_ you are!” Asahi let out an ‘oof!’ as he felt someone hook their arm around his shoulder, leaning most of their weight against half of Asahi’s back. He didn’t need to turn his head to see who it was.

“Hi - _oww._ Daichi, I think you broke something.”

Daichi pulled back a fraction and smiled. “You’re fine,” he said. “The stairs are this way, you goof. Did you come straight from the office?”

Asahi allowed himself to be led. He picked at the hem of his once-crisp button down with his fingers, wrinkled from the train ride here. “I didn’t have time to go home.”

“That’s fine. You can keep the zombie-like, office worker look. It’s a classic.”

“Very funny.” Asahi kept the comment about how Daichi’s kept the same hair since high school to himself. They climbed the stairs to the bleachers together, Daichi finally detaching himself from Asahi.

“Where's Suga?” Asahi asked.

“Bathroom,” Daichi answered without missing a beat. “He’ll be happy to know volleyball was the only way to get you to go out on a weekday.”

Asahi felt his face heat up guiltily. “It’s for _charity_. A charity game.”

“But it had to be a Suntory Sunbirds game, didn’t it?” Daichi asked, eyebrow raised and a shit-eating grin already on his face. It was so similar to Suga that all he needed at this point was the mole and silver hair.

Asahi let out a defeated sigh. He was too exhausted from work to come up with a proper retort. Not that Daichi wouldn’t find a way around it, anyway. “Whatever Suga saw in you, I will never know.”

“You and me both,” Daichi said, a bit of softness seeping into his voice, to which Asahi shook his head fondly.

Asahi wasn’t sure he would ever get over how quickly Suga and Daichi happened. He could still remember the phone call he received at some ten in the evening after graduation, Suga talking at the speed of a bullet train as soon as he put the receiver to his ear. The most important bit of information was that Suga and Daichi ended up giving each other their second buttons - both revealing that they never had the courage to become proper friends prior to Asahi’s intervention because they were either too scared (Suga) or too shy (Daichi).

Wow, _graduation_. That was nearly a decade ago now.

Suga came in just as the Osaka Blazers Sakai started their warm-ups. He bounced on the soles of his feet as soon as he saw Asahi, some of his slightly silvery hair falling across his eyes. It reached halfway down his neck now, and was even more unruly than it was in high school. He rushed over as fast as he could - while still managing not to bump into anyone, a talent Asahi envied - before he threw his arms around Asahi’s shoulders.

“I missed you!” Suga exclaimed, and Asahi lost all the air in his lungs in a snap. What was it with these two and trying to break his bones?

Asahi grunted, but hugged his best friend back as much as he could. “We saw each other three months ago, Suga,” he said, “but I missed you too.”

Suga pulled back and beamed. He looked even happier than the last time Asahi saw him - which was saying something considering the last time Asahi saw him he had tears in his eyes, laughing in Daichi’s arms at their engagement party.

“You owe me explanations,” Suga chided him as he took a seat on Asahi’s left. “I answered your cryptic LINE messages at one in the morning, Asahi. What happened?”

Asahi grimaced. It seemed like the right idea at the time, to fix his muddled and messed-up life right after listening to Nishinoya’s tape and texting Suga of his plans. Now he felt a little foolish; it could have waited until normal waking hours, but he remembered how his thumbs flew against the keyboard of his phone before he could stop it.

“Ah, that,” Asahi said, hand coming to rest at the back of his neck.

“Yes that. You said something about…” Suga leaned forward, looking over Asahi to speak to Daichi. “What was it again, Daichi?”

“‘Not being brave enough to live life the way I should’.” Daichi quoted.

It didn’t even surprise Asahi that Daichi knew. He was as much as a best friend to Asahi as Suga was for years now, ever since the end of high school. It helped that Suga and Daichi told each other everything - it saved Asahi time from repeating the story.

Asahi quietly gave them a rundown of what happened in the past month, while warm-ups continued in front of them and more people filtered into the gymnasium. Daichi and Suga’s eyes got progressively wider the more detail Asahi provided; they leaned closer and closer with every word.

“You gave your boss a handwritten resignation letter?” Daichi repeated.

Asahi shrank into himself. He had written a full page of it and slapped it on the desk of his ungrateful boss, feeling strangely defiant and proud. The look of shock on his boss’ face was even more gratifying. “It - It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Daichi let out a whistle, clearly impressed. Suga squeezed Asahi’s arm hard enough to bruise. “God, Asahi. I’m so proud of you,” Suga said. “You’ve come such a long way.”

“It felt good,” Asahi agreed sheepishly. “I walked out of his office afterwards.”

Daichi gaped at him. “This is the best thing I’ve ever heard.”

Suga clapped his hands far too loudly, several heads turning around them for the source of the noise. “I am even prouder of you now. I mean, I was always proud of you, you know that right?”

“I’m - I’m pretty aware now,” Asahi said, allowing himself a smile.

“So I’m guessing you really did break up with Takeo?” Daichi asked. Suga leaned into Asahi’s side, eyes burning for an answer.

The mention of Asahi’s now ex-boyfriend made him wilt just a little, smile wavering, but something akin to relief flooded through him. He was just happy not to regret it. “It was a long time coming.”

“I never liked that guy, not one bit,” Suga said with a sour look.

“Rebellious Asahi was always my favourite,” Daichi added. “What life altering event brought this on anyway?”

Asahi smiled. “I had someone to remind me not to sell myself short.”

Daichi and Suga looked at him with a matching pair of smug smiles, ones that warned Asahi of the truckload of teasing about to come.

Suga leaned forward first. “That someone wouldn’t happen to have left a tape for you in high school, would he? What do you think, Daichi?”

“It might be that guy,” Daichi agreed. “Asahi must like him a lot.”

“Guys,” Asahi said with a tinge of exasperation. “Not this again.”

“Suga’s just stating the facts, Asahi.” Daichi stretched his arms, just as a long, loud whistle blew on the court. “I wonder what happened to him, huh?”

Asahi sighed, one that seemed to crack at his bones from exhaustion over a topic he’s wrung over and over again in his mind. “I don’t know,” he said. "I already checked social media - he doesn’t seem to be on any of them.”

Suga frowned sympathetically. “Who knew Nishinoya Yuu wouldn’t be a Facebook kinda guy, huh?”

Asahi nodded in agreement. “There’s no use thinking about it now. It’s been years, after all.” He supposed some people really were meant to stay in the past, especially if they didn’t want to show themselves.

“Move forward,” Daichi said.

“Move forward,” Asahi echoed with conviction. Suga grinned at both of them.

The buzzer echoed throughout the gymnasium, signaling the start of the game. Asahi already felt the excitement coursing through his veins, and he had to physically stop himself from jumping a little in his seat. The two teams took their respective positions on the court, yellow against red. Asahi counted the players in his mind.

“The Sunbirds only have one libero?” He wondered out loud.

Suga snickered beside him. “Of course you’d notice that.”

Asahi gave Suga a look. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you.”

Daichi shrugged, but his mouth quirked up from Suga’s comment. “I heard they just recruited their new libero. They’ll probably introduce him at the end.”

The Blazers must have won the coin toss, because the referee threw the ball their way. It was a jump serve, and Asahi could feel his unused muscles creak at the sight of the server hovering in the air for a second before slamming the ball with his palm.

It was fun, Asahi realized at some point in the second set. He couldn’t recall at the top of his head the last time he felt so weightless. As he stood in the bleachers cheering on his favourite team with his best friends, he forgot all about the murky pool he was stuck in. He could see the exit now, the road to the next chapter of his life clearer and brighter than he could ever remember it being. Life didn’t stop, not when he was shy and uncertain at seventeen, not now that he was a little braver and starting over at twenty six.

He pumped his fist in the air and jumped high when the Sunbirds’ won. The winning spike thundered across the court when the ace hit it, and Asahi could almost feel the muscles in his arm crying out in longing for the same sort of satisfaction. He hasn’t played volleyball in a while, and he decided with a thrill of excitement running through him that he was going to try it out again.

“Good game, right?” Daichi asked, a full on grin on his face.

“It was amazing,” Asahi said in awe, turning to his friends with a smile that felt like it was going to split his face into two.

“I told you you’d like it,” Suga said with a matching grin, nudging Asahi with his shoulder. “Good idea to come out with us on a weekday, right? Does that mean we can convince you for dinner that _isn’t_ on a Saturday?”

“Maybe,” Asahi allowed. Considering how much free time he had now, dinner or _anything_ on weekdays was viable. “Just…not too often. I need to find another job.”

“We can have dinner at our place then,” Daichi said easily. “I’ll cook.”

“Problem solved.” Suga turned back to the court. “We should go down to congratulate them, see if we can sneak an autograph.”

Asahi blinked, standing still. “I - Is that okay?”

“Of course it is!” Suga said, in an almost overly confident tone. “Isn’t it, Daichi?”

“It’s worth a shot,” Daichi agreed.. He was already pushing Asahi out of his seat, just as Suga stood up and headed for the aisle.

Asahi looked between the two of them, narrowing his eyes. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“You’re just a bit paranoid, Asahi,” Suga said. “It’ll be fine. Have I ever led you astray?”

“Well -“

“Don’t answer that.” Suga took Asahi by the arm and led him down the steps, until they got to the crowd that had formed at the stairs leading to the court.

The Suntory Sunbirds formed a line facing the crowd, bowing low and earning a respectful round of applause. Of course they weren’t the same line-up from Asahi’s high school days, when he used to sit right in front of the TV to watch games, but seeing them right in front of him gave him the same sort of giddiness that made him feel seventeen again.

“They’re _real_ people,” Asahi marveled, steadying himself on the railing.

Daichi chuckled low in his throat from behind Asahi. “On a scale of one to ten, how happy is your high school self right now?”

“Over the moon,” Asahi replied immediately.

Suga laughed loudly, turning his head to look up at Asahi. “Do you have a notebook ready?”

“I have a pen, but -“ Asahi’s eyes widened, and he flipped his bag open to rummage through it. “I don’t…I think I left it at the office -“

A familiar blue notebook appeared under his nose. Suga’s planner. “Just tear the page out after they sign it,” Suga said, grabbing Asahi by the arm again and pushing him forward.

“What - you aren’t going with me?”

“You’re a big kid, you can do this!”

Asahi couldn’t do this, but he was at the foot of the stairs at the rate of Suga’s pushing. He followed the almost-lines that led to different players, scanning around for the two people he wanted signs from. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? If he could deal with clients at work, he could manage to speak a maximum three sentences to two players of his favourite sports team.

His uncertainty grew by the second, but he trudged on.

He stuttered through a conversation with one of the wing spikers, his words more garble than actual sentences, but he made it out just fine. He then moved to approach the libero, who just finished chatting with another fan.

“My sign? Sure thing!” The libero said with a wide smile, taking the notebook from Asahi’s hands and flipping it to a blank page. “To who am I making this out to?”

“Um, could you make it to Asahi? A-Azumane Asahi.”

The freshly uncapped pen in the libero’s hand stopped moving. He looked up slowly. “Azumane...Asahi?” He repeated.

Asahi just grew confused, nodding slowly. “Is there something wrong?”

The libero’s lips curled into a smile. “Oh, it’s nothing. Just an interesting name is all.” He quickly went back to scribbling Asahi’s name, placing his signature in the bottom. “You here with your friends?”

Asahi nodded, before realizing the libero couldn’t see him nod with how he was busy with his head bent over the notebook. “Yeah. I’m with my high school friends.”

“I see.” Recapping the pen with a loud click, the libero closed the notebook and handed it over to Asahi. “Here you go. I could get the other libero to sign for you, if you’d like.”

“That’s - if it’s not too much trouble,” Asahi said quickly, clutching the notebook to his chest.

“No trouble at all! He’s next season’s regular anyway.” He turned his head towards the benches. “I’ll just be a second. Don’t move.”

The libero headed for the benches, and Asahi turned to his friends still in the bleachers. He sent them a thumbs up. Suga responded with an open-mouthed smile, while Daichi gave a thumbs up of his own.

“Are you still alive?” Suga mouthed slowly.

“Kinda!” Asahi mouthed back. He wasn’t really sure. His heart thudded erratically and his hands felt sweatier than ever. He lifted the notebook so they could see. “Waiting for another sign.”

Daichi was about to mouth something, but froze when he caught sight of something past Asahi's shoulder. Asahi watched as he turned to Suga, gently grabbing his hand and nudging his head Asahi’s way. He couldn’t hear it, but Suga gasped, eyes wide in shock.

“What?” Asahi asked aloud, sure that his friends would hear him.

“Azumane Asahi.”

Asahi knew that voice. He’d be able to pick it out in a crowded room like this without racking his brain too hard. Still, it took his mind a long time to catch up. The voice sounded close, maybe an arm’s length or two behind him. He looked to Suga and Daichi for help, who only looked back at Asahi with expressions of growing excitement.

“Turn around,” Suga prompted, making spinning motions with his finger when Asahi didn’t react. That was an easy enough command. Asahi found himself complying slowly, limbs heavy with invisible weights.

Nishinoya Yuu looked taller. Maybe it was his hair; all of it was spiked high, as if it were trying to reach the ceiling. There was a tuft of blonde that fell in the middle of his forehead and across his eyes. His features seemed sharper, his jawline more defined, but his eyes were the same. He was more attractive than Asahi remembered.

Asahi dreamed about this moment more than he was willing to admit. He thought about crying as soon as he saw Nishinoya, thought of gripping him by the collar of his shirt, thought of running and wrapping his arms around him.

Instead, all he could do was look on, because Nishinoya was here. In this time, in this place, when Asahi thought he never would be again. It didn’t matter how long it’s been, how much time has passed. He felt seventeen and twenty six all at once, and just like then, he felt the same.

“Asahi-san,” Nishinoya said reverently, and Asahi’s memory betrayed him, because he forgot just how wonderful it was to hear Nishinoya say his name. He hasn’t heard that out of a recording for so long. A-sa-hi, in that playful yet meaningful way.

“You’re here,” Asahi heard himself say. He was more amazed by the fact that he could even form coherent sentences, let alone vocalize them.

“Yeah, I’m here.” Nishinoya spoke softly, and his voice washed over Asahi in a wave of warmth. “And so are you.”

“I -” The words caught in Asahi’s throat. That was the miracle, wasn’t it? That in the grand plan of the universe, their paths had somehow intersected again?

Nishinoya smiled shyly, which only made Asahi even more tongue tied. “Asahi-san -“

“I’ve always wanted to meet the libero of the Sunbirds,” Asahi blurted out. As soon as he did, he wanted to jump into the nearest janitor’s closet and never come out.

Nishinoya froze for a good ten seconds. He then burst into laughter, much to Asahi’s surprise. It wasn’t the quiet rumble in his chest when Asahi told him something amusing, or the mocking laughter when they were just getting to know each other. It was that almost-cackle, one that told Asahi just how happy Nishinoya was at the moment. It sounded so familiar, and so much like the home Asahi missed all these years.

“The honor is all mine.” Nishinoya stuck out his hand, the corners of his mouth morphing into that smile that still made Asahi’s heart flutter and his stomach do somersaults. “Nishinoya Yuu, soon to be number three, libero. Nice to meet a fan.”

It brought Asahi back to Nishinoya standing on the other side of the net, poised in waiting for Asahi’s serve. He didn’t fight his own smile. How could he when it came so easily to him now, after years of it feeling plastered on? He clasped his hand around Nishinoya’s, feeling the warmth of Nishinoya’s palm against his skin.

“Do I really count as a fan if I only found out about this now?” Asahi asked.

“I don’t know, Asahi-san,” Nishinoya said with a tilt of the head, smile turning playful. “Haven’t you been a fan since high school?”

Asahi pretended to give it a thought. “You could say that, Noya.”

“Oh, now you call me Noya, _really_? I just had to disappear for nine years? How long is it going to take for you to call me Yuu? Another sixteen?”

Asahi’s heart gave a painful squeeze. “Hopefully not,” he said, hearing the distress and longing in his voice loud and clear.

Nishinoya’s expression softened instantly, and he tapped his thumb against the back of Asahi’s palm. “No, no. Definitely not.”

Asahi’s chest eased up again. He looked at their still-joined hands, and Nishinoya did the same. He didn’t want to let go, the selfish part of him taking over all controls. He never thought he’d have this, that he’d have Nishinoya cross his path again. That he’d ever look at Asahi with all the softness and affection like right now.

“It’s been a long time,” Nishinoya whispered between them.

“It has,” Asahi replied in the same quiet tone. “Do you still like soda ice cream?”

Nishinoya grinned. “Of course! Is the ramen shop near your house still open?”

“I might be the only one keeping it in business at this point.”

“That’s a very Asahi thing to do.”

Asahi was lost on that one. “I’m going to pretend that made sense.”

Nishinoya laughed again. The world seem to blur at the edges, with Nishinoya taking all of Asahi’s focus. And maybe it has been that way, all these years. Even if Nishinoya left, he still took up space in Asahi’s heart.

“Have you been here long?” Asahi asked, slowly and reluctantly letting go of Nishinoya’s hand. “You’re a difficult person to find.”

Nishinoya gave Asahi a sympathetic smile. “About two years? And I don’t know, social media was never really my thing. But I finally have a smartphone! I just need someone to actually teach me to use it.”

“I could,” Asahi volunteered. “If - if you’d like,” he added quickly, realizing how eager he sounded.

“I’d like that,” Nishinoya said, easily flicking away the speck of doubt that formed in Asahi’s chest. “Listen, are you busy now? We could have dinner - I wanna hear all about what you’ve been up to since high school.”

“Dinner?” Asahi repeated the only word that stuck to him. “That sounds - yes. Yes, I’m free for dinner.”

Nishinoya looked delighted by this. “Great! Let me just grab my stuff and we can go, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll let Suga and Daichi know.”

“Suga and…Daichi?”

Asahi took in the shift in Nishinoya’s expression and tone, realizing that he still didn’t _know._ He was quick to calm the growing storm behind Nishinoya’s eyes, ready with the words he should have said at the rooftop all those years ago.

“I was never in love with Daichi. I might have…lied to you about it. Because it was Suga’s secret and I didn’t want to let everyone know? I’m sorry, I was going to tell you, but -”

“What?” Nishinoya said, cutting Asahi off. The seconds that passed between reactions seemed long, and a flare of fear spiked in Asahi. “So Ryuu was right?”

“Right about what?”

“Shit, that bastard was right! He tried to tell me! He said that you -“ Nishinoya stopped, before his voice grew more hesitant. “That…you had feelings. For - for me.”

Asahi sighed in relief, and he smiled at Nishinoya. “Yeah. Tanaka was right about that.”

The smile that grew on Nishinoya’s face this time was even softer than the last, and was so full of relief and happiness that Asahi felt his own smile reflect it. “Really?”

Asahi nodded, erasing all doubt so Nishinoya wouldn’t have to second guess this time around. “Really.”

“That’s - That’s…well.” Nishinoya let out a laugh, sounding equal parts hysterical and relieved. “I need to hear all about this. I have… _so_ many questions floating in my head right now.”

“We can talk about it during dinner,” Asahi assured him. “We have time.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess we do now, don’t we?” Nishinoya exhaled in relief. “Okay. Let me just grab my things. Tell Suga-san and Daichi-san about dinner. We’ll meet back here in a bit, then go. Okay?”

That all sounded wonderful to Asahi. “Okay, Noya. See you in a bit.”

Nishinoya was the first to move, taking small steps backward, keeping his eyes on Asahi. “Don’t go anywhere,” he said.

Asahi courageously took a step back. “I won’t if you won’t.”

Nishinoya’s lips curled upward, like Asahi just issued him a challenge. “Trust me, I won’t this time.”

Asahi believed it without questions. He watched Nishinoya finally turn his back, one of his teammates catching him with an arm around his shoulder as he got near the benches, shaking him good-naturedly. It was then that Asahi spun around to face the bleachers, to where Suga and Daichi were waiting.

The world seemed to resume its rotations and revolutions, as it should. In the distance, puzzle pieces clicked together, a new picture forming slowly. Things were changing, but were interspersed with the familiar and the unknown. And Asahi couldn’t help but think to himself that maybe, in the grand scheme of things, he hadn’t missed his window after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ If you're interested, the playlist I used while writing can be found [here!](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAkDrIhRl-pxiLJl5AbHYgyXbeXBpldtJ)
> 
> Feel free to chat with me on [Twitter](http://twitter.com/incendiarywit_) and/or [Tumblr](http://in-cendiarywit.tumblr.com)! I promise I don't bite, and I'm more active on those two platforms anyway!


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